


The Barisi Collection

by barbaXcarisi (barbaXbenson)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Episode Tag, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Pre-Barisi, Smut, Tumblr Prompt, au's, one shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-31 18:21:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 39,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12687708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbaXbenson/pseuds/barbaXcarisi
Summary: Barisi drabbles and one shots. Mostly from Tumblr prompts, but some are just ideas that strike my fancy. Includes AU's, canon compliance, non-canon compliance, songfics, etc... Anything and everything is possible. Chapters are not connected unless otherwise stated.





	1. Soulmate AU

**Author's Note:**

> Soulmate AU prompted by tobeconspicuous

Rafael had always hated his scar. It was an ugly thing, a raised white S above his heart that shone in stark contrast to his tan skin.  And when he was 12 years old and his mother gave him “the talk” explaining what it meant, he hated it even more. **  
**

_“So I have a soulmate? And their name starts with S?” He sat at the kitchen table doing his homework while his mother cooked something that smelled delicious, just like always. It sounded like a bunch of nonsense to him, something out of a bad Disney movie._

_“Si, mijo.” Lucia replied._

_Rafael scrunched up his face. “What if I don’t want to be with this S person?”_

_“You have no choice. It’s what fate has decided for you.”_

_He didn’t like this answer._

_“Is Papi your soulmate?” While most kids would like the idea of their parents being destined for one another, the thought made his stomach hurt._

_Lucia looked away from him, turning her attention to using a wooden spoon to stir the contents of a pot that simmered on the stove. “Yes, Papi is my soulmate.”_

_So that explained it, Rafael thought. That was why no matter how many nights he came home drunk, no matter how many times he yelled at them so loudly that the neighbors would bang on the wall, rattling picture frames holding photos that made them look like a happy family, no matter how many bruises he gave them, his mother wouldn’t leave. It was that she_ couldn’t _leave._

_He supposed it should make him feel better. She wasn’t choosing to stay, wasn’t choosing to let herself and her son walk on eggshells, always afraid of saying or doing something that might set him off. No, she had no choice at all. But it didn’t make him feel better. How could fate be so cruel? Why would it put his mother in this position with no way out?_

_It was then that he decided that he didn’t care what the so-called rules were. He’d never allow fate to dictate his life._

And from that day on he’d braced himself every time he met someone new, terrified of meeting his soulmate, but so far he’d had nothing to worry about. Over thirty years of Stephanies, Scotts, Suzannes, and Seths, and the scar remained dormant on his chest.

That was until Olivia’s new, gangly detective with the hideous moustache showed up.

“Nice to meet you, counselor. Dominick Carisi, Jr.” The detective stuck out an enthusiastic hand to Rafael and he sighed with relief that his name didn’t start with an S. “But you can call me Sonny.”

And then it hit him, a searing pain just above his now rapidly beating heart. He clenched his teeth, trying his best to keep his face neutral as his skin felt like it was being scorched off of his body.

He shook Carisi’s hand to keep up appearances that everything was okay, but his palm was clammy.

“Uh, you okay there?” Carisi asked. “You’re looking a little pale.”

“Fine.” Rafael managed.

“If you say so.”

“I do.” Rafael snapped now that the pain had faded to a dull burn. It was still a nuisance, but at least it was bearable. Even if he had wanted a soulmate there was no way he could ever love this man who looked more like he belonged in an adult movie than a squad room. No, he would never allow it to happen.

So, he didn’t. He was extra careful to never say his first name if the detective was around. It was easy, really. If an introduction was needed he’d introduce himself as ADA Barba or allow Liv or another member of the squad introduce him. It became second nature. He didn’t even have to make a conscious effort anymore.

Shaking the detective was another story. Rafael was cold and dismissive, insulting Carisi every chance he got, but that didn’t seem to stop him from incessantly nagging Rafael or constantly trying to impress him with his knowledge of case law.

It seemed like every time Rafael turned around, there he was, standing in his office doorway with those dimpled cheeks and pink lips. Lips that Rafael often felt himself staring at for longer than he should, and dimples that he found himself delighting in every time he caused them to appear.

And okay, maybe the accent wasn’t as bad as he originally thought, and maybe his stories about his sisters were somewhat entertaining, and maybe there was something endearing in his eagerness to please.

But that didn’t matter; it couldn’t matter. It was probably the ridiculous mark on his chest making him feel that way anyway. The mark that still burned, a dull heat that flared anytime Sonny Carisi was in the same room. He’d come to find comfort in it. It was a reminder that he was doing things on his own terms, living the life he wanted, not the life that was planned for him.

But then Rebecca Moore happened. A 16-year-old girl beaten and sexually abused by her father for years before she’d finally come forward, encouraged by an intuitive teacher. The case had been under his skin from the beginning, and today, when he’d stood in the courtroom listening to the jury return a not guilty verdict, a weight of guilt and disappointment like he’d never felt settled over his shoulders. It had taken everything in him to look Rebecca in the eyes and apologize for letting her down. She hadn’t held him responsible which made him feel even worse.

He was pouring his second glass of scotch when an all too familiar knock sounded on his doorframe accompanied by the burning sensation on his chest. “What do you want, Carisi?” He didn’t bother to look up, instead returning the bottle of scotch to his bottom desk drawer.

“I, uh…” Sonny ran a hand over the back of his neck as he stepped into the office. “I don’t know, really. Just after today, I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to be alone.”

“That’s actually exactly what I want.” Rafael lied, taking a sip of his scotch. Carisi’s face fell and Rafael felt yet more guilt settle over him. “I’m sorry, I…it’s just been a bad day.”

Sonny nodded. “That’s an understatement. Rebecca’s gonna stay with an aunt, she’ll get counseling. The bastard might not be in jail, but he won’t get to hurt her anymore.”

Rafael tried to find consolation in that, but couldn’t seem to. “The damage is already done.”

“I don’t know. People can overcome a lot, make something of themselves despite the horrors of their childhood. Sometimes because of it, just to prove that it didn’t beat them.” Sonny fixed him with an intense, knowing gaze and Rafael’s mouth went dry. He solved that with another sip of scotch, for once in his life words escaped him.

“Well, I’ll leave ya to it, counselor.”

He didn’t know if it was the scotch, or the way Sonny seemed to truly see him through the suits and the insults and the bravado, or the fact that he actually absolutely did not want to be alone right now, but Rafael stopped him. “Detective Carisi.” Sonny turned just as he’d reached the door and Rafael took a deep breath, sure he would regret this. “You can call me Rafael.”

It took only half a second before Sonny’s face twisted into a grimace, his hand coming up to grip the left side of his chest as he bent slightly at the waist. Rafael stood and crossed the room to stand in front of him, resting his hands on his shoulders. “It’s alright, you’re alright. The worst of it only lasts a minute.”

Sonny, still breathing heavy, whipped his gaze up to Rafael’s face, eyes narrowed. “You?” He panted. “You knew? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t need, didn’t want, a soulmate. Didn’t want to be told who to love.”

Sonny’s breathing started to return to normal and he slowly straightened his spine as if standing upright would cause the searing pain to return. “And now?”

“And now, I’m still not sure, but I know you’re not like him. You’re smart and kind and you  _care_  so much. You couldn’t…” He trailed off, unable still after all these years to speak aloud the horrors he and his mother had experienced at the hands of his father. Instead, he did what he’d wanted to do for months now, raising himself up until his lips were pressed against Sonny’s soft, pink ones.

Sonny didn’t hesitate, responding with enthusiasm. He gripped the counselor’s shirt as he parted his lips, allowing Rafael’s tongue entrance into his mouth, and the whimper that came from his throat was enough to have Rafael pressing him up against the door.

It was a frenzied meeting of lips and skin, moving so quickly that Rafael felt lightheaded, but when Sonny released the buttons of his shirt, shoving the material from his shoulders and kissing his way across Rafael’s collarbone and over the scar above his heart, time slowed. Sonny spent extra time here, kissing every inch of the raised, white S, and the burning went away. It felt strange to have it gone, but it wasn’t long before a different feeling replaced it.

Now, instead of pain, a soothing warmth began at the mark and radiated throughout his body until he felt it even in his fingertips. It was like nothing he ever felt and his chest suddenly felt so full it would burst.

He put his hands to work, dispensing of buttons to reveal the detective’s own scar, a raised R, and placing his lips over it. He glanced up, watching Sonny’s irises darken and lips slide into a grin as the warmth washed over him. “Wow.” The word was a sigh on Sonny’s lips.

“That’s one way to put it.” Rafael said, tracing a finger over the rigid R on Sonny’s chest, his only regret that he’d fought this for so long. He knew now, looking into those blue eyes, skin touching skin, that Sonny could never hurt him.

Rafael placed another quick kiss on Sonny’s lips before returning his fingers to the task of undoing the remaining buttons of his shirt, making sure to take his time. They had forever after all.


	2. Is That Thunder?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is that thunder?" prompted by AHumanFemale

“I still can’t believe I let you talk me into this.” Rafael grumbled as Sonny brought the car to a stop in front of a cabin that sat in a small clearing in the woods. **  
**

“Ah, Raf, come on.” Carisi threw the car in park and looked over at Rafael, whose expression was not that of someone about to have a relaxing, work free three days. “It’s not like we’re in a tent. There’s running water, cable, wifi. It’s less than a mile from the main lodge which has a four star restaurant and a spa. And,” Sonny leaned across the center console, nuzzling Rafael’s cheek with his nose before placing a quick kiss there. “You’re with me. What could you possibly have to complain about?”

“They know we’re together right now.”

Sonny sighed and rolled his eyes. “Not this again.” He opened the car door and circled around to the trunk to get their bags. He’d been listening to some variation of this complaint for the entire three hour car ride up here.

“Neither of us have taken vacation in years and we both take the same Friday off?” Rafael met Sonny at the back of the car, heaving his suitcase out of the trunk. “They’re detectives for crying out loud.”

“So what if they know?” Sonny slammed the trunk closed. “They’re our friends. They care about us and want us to be happy. They aren’t going to rat us out.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Rafael said, though it looked like it pained him to do so.

“What was that?” Sonny leaned in, a grin on his lips. “I didn’t quite hear you.”

“You’re not funny.” The smile playing at the corner of his mouth betrayed his words as he used Sonny’s jacket to pull him in close, rising up on his toes to kiss him. “From here on out I’m going to try to relax and have a good time.” Rafael went to pull away so he could pick up his bag, but Sonny wrapped his arms around him, keeping him held tight against him. “Sonny, come on. Let’s get these bags inside.”

A tingle still went through him every time Rafael called him Sonny. It had taken them so long to get to this point and sometimes he still couldn’t believe it. Like when he was in the gallery, watching Rafael eviscerate a defendant, or in an interrogation room when he loomed over the table, all authority and intimidation, Sonny felt that was completely out of his league. How could someone of Rafael’s caliber ever care about someone like him?

But now, away from the city, away from the work, with only just each other, it felt right. Meant to be even.

Rafael tilted his head. “What’s that look?”

“Just thinking about how lucky I am is all.”

“Well, if you’d let us go inside you might get lucky.” Rafael teased with a smirk.

“Say no more.” Sonny dropped his arms from around Rafael and lifted a suitcase in each hand, hurrying toward the cabin. Not for the first time, Rafael marveled at the strength those scrawny arms possessed.

Sonny had the bags dropped in the entryway and Rafael pinned up against the door before he even knew what was going on, but it didn’t take him long to catch up. He gripped Sonny’s jacket as the detective kissed his way up Rafael’s neck and across his jaw.

A soft moan escaped his throat as Sonny nibbled his bottom lip before licking into his mouth. Reaching down, Sonny pulled the dark polo over Rafael’s head and then made quick work of his belt, shoving his pants and boxer briefs down his thighs.

“Christ.” Rafael gasped against his lips as he felt Sonny’s cool hand wrap around him.

“So hard for me already.” It was a whisper against his ear as Sonny began to pump his hand. “Makes me want to taste you.”

Rafael’s head fell back against the door with a thump as Sonny dropped to his knees in front of him.

* * *

“What was that?” Rafael bolted upright, a pain shooting through his back. He’d definitely have to visit the spa for a massage. He was getting too old to fall asleep on floors. “Is that thunder?” He tried to orient himself, remembering that he and Sonny hadn’t even made it past the living room, their bags still sitting next to the door.

“No. It’s not.” Sonny said grimly, already searching in the dark for his clothes. The sun must have gone down while they were sleeping, Rafael noted as his eyes adjusted to the darkness.

Sonny finally found his briefs, slipping them on before finding a light switch so he could seek out the rest of his clothes. The sound that had awoken them both boomed again in the distance. “That’s a gun.”

Rafael squinted at the sudden assault of light to his pupils, the fog of sleep still heavy on his brain. “A gun? What are you doing?”

“I have to go check it out.” Sonny buttoned his jeans and picked his t-shirt up off of the floor, pulling it over his head.

“Check it out? Are you crazy?” Now Rafael was looking for his clothes, refusing to have this argument naked from the floor.

“I’m a cop, Raf. Someone is shooting.” He found his phone and slipped it into his jacket pocket.

“A cop with absolutely no jurisdiction here, no backup, no weapon.” Rafael rattled off as he pulled on his pants.

Sonny reached into the side pocket of his duffle bag, pulling out his sidearm. “I always have a weapon.”

“You brought your gun on our vacation?”

“Of course I did.” Sonny said like Rafael was the one being ridiculous, pulling his badge out of the bag next and clipping it to his jacket. Jurisdiction or no, it could come in handy. “It sounds like it’s coming from the next cabin over. I’ll just go make sure everyone is alright. If you don’t hear from me in 20 minutes call 911.”

“Let’s just call them now.” Rafael tried to keep the desperation out of his voice.

Sonny gave him a reassuring smile, placing a soft kiss on his lips. “It will be fine. Remember, 20 minutes.” And that was it. He was out the door, disappearing into the dark crop of trees just beyond the cabin.

Rafael paced the floor, literally wringing his hands until he caught himself and stopped. It was going to be fine, probably just some country bumpkin shooting at targets or something. People did that at night, right? God, he was going to strangle Sonny when he came back. He always had to be the hero, even when he was off duty and out of his jurisdiction. How could he-

Rafael’s internal rant was interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. He sighed with relief when the display showed Sonny’s name. “Sonny? Is everything okay? Are you coming ba-”

“Raf…DV….need…call…”

Rafael held the phone out and saw that he only had one bar of service. Goddamn woods. He vowed to never leave the city again. “Sonny, repeat that. The signal is shit.”

“Call…Stop!”

The call dropped and not two seconds later another boom echoed in the direction Sonny had gone. Rafael quickly dialed 911, hoping the call would go through and that it wasn’t too late.

* * *

Rafael sat on the porch steps of the cabin, head in his hands. The red and blue lights of the police cars parked at the next cabin over flashed through the trees. No one would tell him anything. The local cops had been unimpressed with his credentials, telling him to sit and wait.

“Miss me?” A familiar voice inquired, causing Rafael’s gaze to jerk up.

“You’re okay?” Rafael asked even though it was clear that he was.

“Yeah, guy shot at his wife, was drunk so he missed, thank God. Then he tried to shoot me so I took him out.” Sonny leaned against the railing, acting like this happened every day. For him it practically did, Rafael thought.

“You…you killed someone?”

“Nah, just got his shoulder. He’ll be alright. It’s gonna be a lot of fun paperwork since I’m not technically a cop here.”

“I believe I mentioned that a time or two.” Rafael stood. On the top step he was actually eye to eye with Sonny. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, Raf, I’m okay.”

“Good. Now, don’t ever fucking do anything like that again.” Rafael demanded, annoyed at how shaky his voice sounded.

“I’m a cop.” Sonny said as a matter of fact for the second time that night.

“Not here you aren’t! There’s a big difference between doing your job and being stupid and reckless. You were completely alone. You had no idea what you were getting into. It could have been five guys with guns. You could have been killed! I could have lost you. I…” He gripped Sonny’s arms, holding on for dear life.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it like that. I’m not used to having to worry about stuff like that. I just-”

“Always have to be the hero.” Rafael finished. It was one of his most attractive and most irritating qualities.

“Let me make this up to you.” Sonny said, joining him on the top step, once again hovering over him. “I’ll spend the whole weekend showing you how sorry I am. We won’t step outside of the cabin again.” He nipped at Rafael’s earlobe before pulling him toward the door.

“But I wanted to get a massage.” Rafael grumbled, allowing himself to be pulled inside the cabin.

“I’ll give you a massage. Full body.” Sonny promised, slamming the door and locking it behind them.


	3. Musical Disagreements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Barisi! They want to play some chill music but they have wildly different music tastes and can't decide on something," prompt from Tumblr.

“What in God’s name is that abomination coming through my speakers?” Rafael had been pouring wine to accompany their dinner when Sonny suggested some music. Rafael agreed, expecting Sonny to choose something from his extensive vinyl collection, but instead he’d connected his phone to Rafael’s bluetooth speakers. **  
**

“You’re kidding, right? It’s Pearl Jam.” Carisi took his seat at the table next to Rafael. “This looks amazing.”

Instead of acknowledging the compliment Rafael picked up Sonny’s phone, opening the music app and scrolling. “With this musical taste you don’t even deserve my croquetas. Do you have one decent song on here?”

“Hey,” Sonny said around a mouthful of rice. “My music is great.”

Rafael scoffed. “Metallica, AC/DC, Queen…anything that won’t make my ears bleed?”

“Literally everyone loves ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’ Everyone. You can’t say that you don’t.” Rafael didn’t respond and Sonny dropped his fork to his plate with a clatter. “You can’t be serious.”

Rafael shrugged. “I never saw the appeal. Why on earth do you have ‘The Macarena’ on here?”

Sonny finally had the decency to blush, his cheeks turning a shade of pink that matched his lips. “Um, Gina had a 90’s party. I was in charge of the music.”

“Uh huh.” Rafael said disbelieving.

“Are you going to eat or continue to mock my taste in music? Your food is getting cold.” It was rare that they had an evening together given their work schedules and he’d been looking forward to tonight, he didn’t want to spend it squabbling over whose music was better. His boyfriend, however, seemed to want to do just that.

“This is unacceptable.” Rafael hit pause on the phone before walking over to his record player. He flipped through his albums before choosing one and carefully placing it over the spindle and setting the needle into place. Frank Sinatra’s voice filled the room along with the cracks and pops of the vinyl, something that Rafael felt only added to its authenticity. “This is music.”

“This is going to make me fall asleep.” Carisi whined as Rafael settled back in next to him at the table.

“Music is supposed to be soothing.” Rafael argued, finally able to take a bite of his dinner now that Eddie Vedder wasn’t declaring over and over that he was still alive.

“Says who? Music should be passionate. It should make your blood pump through your veins, should make you feel things you’ve never felt before. It should awaken your senses, make you feel it in your nerve endings. Not make you want to take a nap.”

Rafael’s fork had frozen, hovering in midair, somewhere toward the beginning of Sonny’s impassioned rant. It could have been the fact that they hadn’t spent a night together in over a week, but music was now the last thing on his mind.

“What?” Sonny asked when his boyfriend continued to stare at him, green irises a slightly darker shade than usual.

Rafael swallowed. “Okay, so, here is my proposal. We leave Frank on while we eat because I spent a long time making this meal and if I were to bend you over this table right now it would go to waste.”

Sonny nearly choked on his sip of wine, already feeling a stirring in his trousers at just the thought.

“Then, after dinner, we’ll put on some of your blood pumping music and see how it makes us feel. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Sonny was pretty sure he’d never eaten a meal so quickly in his life.


	4. The Dedication (Editor/Author AU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Editor/Author AU. Saw this on a prompt list and got inspired.

Sonny was mess, Rafael thought as he leaned back in his chair. He was always a mess. He knew it was part of the process, was used to it by now, but he still found himself praying for patience as Sonny did his best to organize the stack of papers in his hands. The edges of the pages were curled up, multicolored post-its stuck out from all sides (his notes on Rafael’s notes), and what Rafael was pretty sure were coffee stains, streaked the top sheet.

“Sorry, just one second. I just wanted to find that one…” Sonny trailed off, ending mid thought as he so often did. Over the years Rafael had learned to fill in the blanks, or to “speak Sonny” as others put it. It completely baffled him how someone who sometimes had trouble stringing full sentences together was the publisher’s top selling author.

But oh, the writing was brilliant. What Sonny failed to do in conversation he did beautifully with the written word. The juxtaposition was so jarring that even after all this time Rafael sometimes found it difficult to equate the man in front of him, disarray personified, with the brilliant author behind some of the most elegant prose he’d ever read.

“Ah, found it!” Sonny held up the page triumphantly, squinting at his hastily written notes through square, black framed glasses. “Wait, that’s not right.” Sonny mumbled, pulling a pen from the pocket of his cardigan, crossing out the previous notes and scribbling something that was nearly illegible.

Rafael often thought that if Sonny’s handwriting was ever to be analyzed the results would come back as either doctor or serial killer, but, like most things Sonny, Rafael had become adept at deciphering it. And like everything Sonny, he found it endearing.

He sighed as Sonny began spreading out the papers on his desktop, shoving aside the framed photo of the two of them at Sonny’s National Book Award ceremony. Rafael was smiling proudly, his arm around Sonny while the author looked completely uncomfortable, the prestigious medal hanging around his neck. Sonny began furiously writing on the back of one of the pages, inspiration having apparently struck. 

As frustrating as it could be when Sonny would check out like this, oblivious to the world around him, Rafael often found himself enthralled watching him work. It was during these times that Rafael understood it, the genius behind the words of his novels. Sitting there, spine bent, tongue between his teeth in concentration, glasses slipping down his nose, he looked every bit the award winning author that he was. And he was beautiful.

Rafael’s phone buzzed on the desk. “Have you been avoiding Rita? She says you aren’t returning her calls.”

Sonny grunted in response, but didn’t look up. To him his agent’s sole purpose was to keep him from his work. Book tours and talk show appearances were all just distractions that took him away from his writing.

“You haven’t answered her about the movie rights.” Rafael was reading from his screen as Rita fired off texts.

“Yes I did. I said no.” Still scribbling. Rafael was starting to get worried that he was completely changing the book, and so close to going to print too. It wouldn’t be the first time Sonny had an epiphany that completely changed the course of a novel. At least this time it was on paper. The last time it had been on one of the cloth napkins at Gramercy Tavern.

He chose not to think about that now. Focusing instead on the matter at hand. “I know you’re worried because of what happened the first time around-”

“They butchered it.” Sonny finally looked up, dropping the pen to the desktop in frustration. The words that had been flowing so freely were now gone. He knew he’d never get them back.

Rafael read Rita’s latest text. “They’re offering last looks on the script and you can sit in on casting if you want.” Despite the hatchet job that Sonny proclaimed the filmmakers did with his first book, the movie had been a hit at the box office and the studio was desperate to get their hands on the rights for the next two.

Sonny started to regather the pages into a haphazard pile. Rafael was ninety percent certain that they were no longer in order. “Look, I have an agent. I don’t need you trying to sell me on this stuff. Can you just edit the book, please?”

“Okay, fine.” Rafael held up his hands, knowing from experience that this wasn’t a battle that could be won. Sonny was stubborn, especially when it came to protecting the integrity of his work.

“Here are the revisions.” Sonny shoved the messy stack of papers across the desk toward Rafael before standing to leave.

“Hey.” Rafael said softly, standing and walking around the desk. “I’m just trying to look out for you, you know? You get so caught up in the words that you don’t think about anything else, but I wouldn’t ever ask you to compromise what you believe in.”

Sonny’s annoyed expression softened. “I know you wouldn’t.” He nodded toward the manuscript on the desk. “I finished the dedication.”

“You did?” Rafael was surprised. It was the last thing required for publication and it usually took a lot of prodding on his part to get Sonny to turn it in.

“Yeah, I was inspired.” He lifted a hand and brought it to Rafael’s face, rubbing the pad of his thumb over his cheek. “You tend to have that effect on me.”

Rafael smiled, turning his head to kiss the smooth skin at Sonny’s wrist. “You have a lot of effects on me.”

Sonny dipped his head, stealing a kiss, his lips full and soft. No matter how many times those lips had been pressed against his, Rafael could never get enough. “I’ll see you at home?” He always knew the answer, but he always asked.

Rafael nodded. It had been two years since they’d moved in together, but he still marveled at that word -  _home_. He’d done well for himself over the years, had nice places to live, but never a home. Not until Sonny. “Yeah, I’ll see you at home.”

When Sonny was gone, Rafael returned to his desk and set to work attempting to put the manuscript back in order. Somewhere around the middle of the stack he found the dedication page. His heart swelled in his chest as he read it.

_For Rafael -_  
_Every word, every breath, every heartbeat._  
 _It’s all for you._


	5. Gorgeous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the Taylor Swift song of the same name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually might end up making this its own multichapter fic, so this might move.

The ice clinked against his glass as he drained its contents, setting it back down on the bar as he fought the urge to loosen his bow tie. The damn thing felt like it was strangling him, but there were still hours to go yet. He’d just have to suffer. **  
**

He signaled the bartender for another drink, turning to survey the room while he waited. Beautiful gowns and tuxes abounded, conversations about summer houses and the daunting process of getting their kids into ivy league schools flowed, and he couldn’t be less interested. He was here on order of the DA, and he knew it was for a good cause, but God these events bored him to tears.

He should probably mingle, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He’d hang by the bar, getting the right amount of buzzed - enough to tolerate the evening, but not so much that he embarrassed himself - until dinner was served and he was forced to his assigned seat. Most likely next to the dullest person in attendance if past experience was any indicator.

The bartender placed his refreshed drink in front of him and as he turned to pick it up a familiar face caught his eye. What was he doing here?

Rafael watched over the rim of his glass as the object of his gaze stood among a small group of people, laughing a little too hard at whatever had just been said. The tux fit well, hugging him in all the right places, and his hair was back from his forehead in that all too familiar swoop, but with less product than it normally held.

Green eyes traced the plains of his face, sparkling eyes down to soft pink lips, before catching the bob of his adam’s apple against the smooth slender column of his neck. When he worked his gaze back up, blue eyes were staring back at him and knew he’d been caught. Embarrassed, he turned his back to the room, resting his forearms against the bar.

“Thought I might see you here, counselor.” The familiar Staten Island drawal greeted him a few moments later and he heard the grin in his voice before he turned to see it for himself.

“I can’t say the same. This doesn’t really seem like your crowd.”

Sonny shrugged. “I ran into the DA the other day when I was leaving your office and he mentioned it. Said it might be good for me to make some connections. Ya know, just in case.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow. “Just in case you decide to stop wasting your brilliant mind on cop work?” He’d never admit that he was the one to put Sonny on the DA’s radar. It wasn’t a big deal, really. He might have just mentioned what an asset it would be having a former detective as an ADA.

“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.” Sonny flagged down the bartender. More than anything he wanted a beer, but he thought better of it, ordering a Jack and Coke instead. “I hate whiskey.” He told Rafael when the bartender went to work on his drink. “The Coke helps a little bit.”

God, he was precious, Rafael thought, watching as the detective did his best not to wince as he took the first sip of his drink.

“I thought maybe Jake would be here with you.” Carisi’s forced nonchalance was so noticeable that, not for the first time, Rafael wondered how he did so well when he went undercover.

“It’s Jacob.” He corrected like he did every time Sonny called him Jake. He was starting to think he was doing it on purpose. “He couldn’t make it. He had…something.” For the life of him he couldn’t remember whatever excuse Jacob had come up with this time. Probably something work related, it usually was. Not that he had any room to talk.

“Ah.” Was all Carisi said, taking another drink, used to the taste now. Rafael did his best not to watch his throat work as he swallowed. His best was not good enough.

“Well, I better go mingle.” Socializing with New York’s elite now seemed like a reprieve from the torture of standing in such close proximity to Sonny Carisi.

“Wait.” Sonny put a hand on Rafael’s arm and had the audacity to leave it there even when Rafael looked down at it with what could only be described as contempt. “I don’t really know anyone here. Mind if I tag along? Maybe you can introduce me to some people?”

Rafael wanted to say no, but the hopeful look on Sonny’s face wouldn’t allow him to do so. “Fine, but don’t embarrass me.”

Sonny frowned. “I know how to behave in public, Rafael.” Rafael’s eyebrows raised at the use of his first name. “Barba, whatever. You act like I have no class at all.”

“Just try to tone down the accent.” He grabbed his scotch off of the bar and made his way out onto the floor with Sonny rushing to keep up.

Rafael didn’t have to search to find a group to join, they came to him, Sonny noticed. He’d barely stepped five feet from the bar when an older woman in a long, black sparkling gown reached an arm out and gestured for him to join their conversation.

“Mr. Barba, I was just telling them about what a great time we had when we all went out on the Thompson’s boat last summer.”

Sonny wanted to smirk at the use of the word boat, like this elegant woman was out cruising the Hudson on a bass boat. Odds were it had been a forty foot yacht.

“Well, who couldn’t have a good time when you’re involved, Margaret?” Rafael blended into the conversation seamlessly, while Sonny hung back, not really in the circle, shifting awkwardly on his feet. He wasn’t sure what to do. It had been too long now to introduce himself, but it would look strange if he just walked away, so he stayed, listening in and laughing when everyone else did.

Finally, an announcement was made that dinner would be served soon and Rafael excused himself from the group, reaching into his pocket to find the small card that held his table assignment.

“What?” He asked when he saw Sonny’s face.

“You know, I could be wrong, but I think the most important part of introducing someone is the actual introduction.”

“You could have introduced yourself. No one was stopping you.”

“You could have just said no, you know.” Sonny was starting to get angry. “If you were too embarrassed for your rich cronies to know that you’re friends with a lowly SVU detective.”

“We’re friends?” Rafael smirked. “I wasn’t aware.”

“You know what?” Sonny held up his hands. “Forget it.” He turned on his heel and slammed through the closest door leading out of the hotel ballroom.

The eyes of everyone nearby turned toward the noise and Rafael gave a small reassuring nod, embarrassed. “Everything’s okay.” He followed Sonny mostly to get away from the questioning looks and found that they were in a dimly lit service corridor. “Look, you don’t want to know these people. If it had been someone that was actually important to helping your career I would have made sure they knew who you were.”

“I don’t get you.” Sonny spun and Rafael stepped back in surprise. “One minute you look at me like you want to swallow me whole and then the next you’re acting like you’d like nothing more than for me to disappear.”

Rafael stared at the floor. “It’s both.”

“What?”

Rafael took a breath and looked up into a sea of ocean blue. All he wanted to do was drown in it, but the world was cruel and he had a Jacob and maybe Sonny did too for all he knew. “I said, it’s both. You’re so…” He lifted a hand, running fingertips under Sonny’s eyes, down his nose, over his lips. “Perfect. And that makes it so hard to be around you, so yes, it would be much easier for me if you weren’t around. Don’t you understand?”

Sonny understood, more than he could know. He understood that sitting in the gallery of the courtroom, watching Barba deliver an impassioned closing argument or an expert cross examination, he felt desire like he’d never felt in his life. He understood that sitting in on a meeting in Barba’s office, that framed picture of he and Jacob sitting on his desk mocking him, he felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. He understood that any time Rafael offered him the slimmest amount of praise he felt like he was on cloud nine for days. So yes, he understood, because his life would be much simpler, less complicated, without Rafael Barba in it.

As much as he wanted to say all of that, he didn’t. He didn’t say anything. Instead he tried as hard as he could to remain still as Rafael continued to touch him, his fingertips now trailing lightly up and down the side of his neck.

“So perfect.” Rafael said again softly, almost as if it was just for himself. Without thinking he slid his hand around to grasp the back of Sonny’s neck, lifting himself up on his toes until their lips connected. Sonny melted against him, fisting his hands in the jacket of Rafael’s tux, parting his lips to allow Rafael to lick greedily into his mouth.

Sonny allowed himself to get lost in it, to pretend for a moment that finally his dream had come true, but just as his lungs began to burn with a need for air, his mind came back to him. “Barba. Rafael. Wait.”

“Come home with me.” Rafael panted.

Sonny shook his head, letting go of Rafael’s jacket. “What about Jacob?”

Of course now he got his name right. “What about him? Do you really want to think about him right now?”

“Yes, I do.” Sonny took a step back. “And you should too.”

Rafael frowned. Of course Sonny would do the noble thing. He always did what was right, no matter what. It was actually something that he admired about him, at least until now. “Jacob and I, we’re…” He trailed off, not knowing what the end of the sentence was. Trying to make it work? Not in love anymore? It was something he’d been trying to figure out for awhile.

“I like you, a lot.” Sonny was saying. “But I won’t be the other man. I can’t be the other man.  And I know you probably think that’s me being noble or some bullshit, but more than anything it’s that I can’t bear the thought of sharing you. If it were to happen, you and me, I’d need all of you, one hundred percent. I couldn’t handle anything less than that.”

Rafael opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it, a rare bout of speechlessness overtaking him.

“Let me know if your situation changes.” Sonny didn’t want to walk away, but knew that he had to. He slipped back through the door that led to the ballroom, leaving Rafael alone in the hallway, shocked at Sonny’s admission and ashamed at his own behavior, but most of all torn about what to do next.

He wanted to follow after Sonny, but what would he say? That he was too much of a coward to end a relationship that’d been slowly dying for months? That he was scared that if he did, then Sonny would want too much too soon? No, he couldn’t say any of that.

His phone vibrated in his breast pocket and seeing the name of the caller he almost didn’t answer, but finally he swiped at the screen. “Hey.”

“Hey, I was able to catch an earlier train.” Oh, that’s right, Rafael remembered now. He went to DC for work. “Will you be home soon?”

“Yeah, actually, I was just about to leave.” It was possibly the most honest thing Rafael had said all night.

“Great, I’ll have a glass of wine waiting for you.” Rafael could hear Jacob popping the cork.

“Sounds good. See you in a bit.” He paused for a moment. “I love you.” He meant it, at least he was pretty sure he did. Whether it was the love he’d always feel for the person he’d spent five years of his life with, or if it was a love that could sustain a relationship, he didn’t know. But he owed it to himself and Jacob to find out.

Rafael could hear Jacob’s surprised intake of breath. They hadn’t really been saying those words much lately, especially Rafael. “I love you too, Raf. I’ll see you when you get home.”

Rafael returned the phone to his pocket, taking one last longing look at the door to the ballroom before turning on his heel and walking down the hallway toward the exit.


	6. Happy Birthday, Rafi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written to celebrate Raul Esparza's birthday.

“Ow! Dammit!” **  
**

“Sonny?” Rafael called out, concerned, as he walked into their apartment.

“Uh…wait a minute. Don’t come in here!” Sonny called back, sounding flustered.

Rafael shook his head, hanging his dark blue trench coat in the hall closet. His eyebrows furrowed in curiosity when the lights in the kitchen down the hall flicked off.

“Now you can come in.” Carisi said, sounding only slightly less frazzled than he had a few moments ago.

“I’m actually surprised you’re here. I spoke to Liv this afternoon and she said something about a stakeout. I figured-” He stopped when he reached the kitchen. A candle flickered atop a round, albeit lopsided, chocolate frosted cake that sat on the island. Sonny stood behind it, grinning proudly from ear to ear, dimples in their full glory. Rafael’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. He looked beautiful, the candlelight flickering over his face, henley sleeves pushed up nearly to his elbows.

“Happy Birthday, Rafi.”

“Thank you, but you didn’t have to-”

“I know, I know.” Sonny held up his hands. “You hate any and all recognition of your birthday, but there’s no one here but us. No one has to know that many, many years ago the great Rafael Barba was born. They’ll continue to think that you just manifested as a surly, but very attractive, lawyer.”

Rafael tilted his head. “The ‘many, many’ part was unnecessary.” He supposed he’d earned the “surly” so he let that part go.

Sonny shrugged. “Hey, I just tell the truth. C’mon, blow out your candle. I got injured lighting that thing, so you better at least get a wish out of it.”

“Fine.” Rafael closed his eyes a moment before blowing out the candle in a quick puff. When he opened his eyes the room was a bit darker without the help of the candle, but neither of them made a move to turn on the lights. Instead, Rafael rounded the island, wrapping his arms around Sonny’s waist and placing a kiss on his lips. “Thank you. Now, let’s see that injury.”

Sonny held up his thumb, the pad of which was just a slightly darker pink than usual. “Burned it on the match.” He whined.

Instead of the eyeroll Sonny expected, Rafael leaned close, blowing lightly on the burn. Sonny felt the tingle all the way to his toes. After a few seconds Rafael pursed his lips to place a gentle kiss on the spot. “Better?”

Sonny nodded slowly, swallowing. “Yes, thanks.”

“Can I have cake now that I’ve nursed you back to health?”

This shook Sonny out of his daze. “We haven’t even had dinner.”

“It’s my birthday and I say we have cake for dinner.”

“Are you turning 47 or 7?” Sonny asked with a smirk, knowing full well that he would give Rafael anything he asked for, his birthday or not.

Rafael swatted at him playfully before he pulled the candle from the cake, licking the chocolate frosting from the end in a way that told Sonny he knew exactly what he was doing to him.

He knew Rafael was tempting him, daring him to put to good use the leftover frosting, perhaps even right there on the kitchen floor, but he had more surprises in store for this night and he couldn’t be derailed.

Turning deliberately away from Rafael he reached into a drawer for a knife. “One slice of cake coming up.”

* * *

“You know,” Sonny said, sticking his fork into his piece of cake a few minutes later, trying to remain casual. “There’s another reason today is special besides the fact that you graced the world with your presence.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” Rafael feigned ignorance, but the smile on his face told Sonny that he remembered it just as well as he did.

_Sonny knocked on the door even though it was open. He knew the Lieu always just walked in, but he didn’t think he’d earned the privilege yet._

_“Yes, Detective Carisi?” Barba barely glanced up from the file that was spread out across his desk. “What’s so urgent that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”_

_Sonny glanced at his watch. He hadn’t realized how late it had gotten. He’d been so excited to share with Barba what he’d found that he’d just rushed over here._

_“Sorry for the late visit. I just thought you’d want this ASAP.” He dropped a flash drive on his desk. “Footage from a bodega of Horan less than a block from Julia’s apartment ten minutes before the attack.”_

_Rafael leaned back in his chair, looking at Sonny appreciatively. “Good job, detective.”_

_Sonny beamed. “Well, I’ll let ya get back to it.” Before he turned for the door a small box on the corner of the desk caught his eye. It was wrapped in shiny blue paper with a white bow on top. “From someone special?” He asked before thinking and wanted to kick himself._

_“What? Oh, that.” Rafael waved it off. “It’s just my mother. I cancelled on her so she dropped it off.”_

_“Wait.” Sonny put his hand on his hip, jacket flung back, badge shining. “Is today your_ birthday _?”_

_Rafael didn’t answer, suddenly finding his file interesting again._

_“It is!” Sonny exclaimed. “And you didn’t do anything to celebrate?” He couldn’t believe it. In the Carisi household birthdays were massive celebrations, The house was always full of family, both blood and not, the adults loudly talking over one another while the kids ran and squealed in the yard. They always capped things off with his mother’s famous chocolate cake. Even when he had to work they still threw a party as soon as he had a day off._

_Rafael shrugged. “It’s not a big deal really. Just another day.”_

_“Just another-“ This was unacceptable. The world needed to celebrate that it had Rafael Barba in it. “Let me take you out. Drinks, dinner, whatever you want. You have to do something on your birthday besides sit here and work.”_

_“Carmen bought me a cupcake and I have this.” He held up the gift from his mother._

_“Come on, Barba. I won’t take no for an answer.”_

_Rafael could tell that he meant it. What was worse, sitting through one drink or having Carisi here harassing him all night? He sighed. “Fine. One drink.”_

“And one drink turned into five. And dinner.” Sonny grinned, licking a bit of frosting from his finger. “You kissed me that night.”

“Um, I believe you kissed me.”

“Sure.” Sonny said. He’d let him have this one. It was his birthday after all. “That night it meant, means, everything to me. To learn that you felt about me the same way I felt about you. I never in a million years thought that you would.”

“Funny, I thought the same thing.” Rafael never understood it, why Sonny cared about him. He was bright and caring and optimistic, everything Rafael was not. He had so much to offer the world and could have anyone he chose. Rafael was grateful that he chose him. “Thank you for making my birthday something to be happy about.”

“Were they really that bad before?” Sonny asked carefully.

Rafael thought about his 7th birthday when his father, drunk as always, stumbled and knocked his cake to the floor before he’d even had a chance to blow out the candles.

Rafael thought about his 10th birthday when his father called him a “spoiled little fuck” because his mother had bought him the set of encyclopedias he’d been wanting. Then he called him a fairy for caring more about books than sports.

Rafael thought of his 12th birthday when his father didn’t come home until an hour after his party had ended and then hit his mother across the face because the house was a mess.

He quit celebrating after that. He told his mom that he was too old for a party, that he’d rather her add money to his college fund instead of spending it on gifts. She seemed to sense the real reason, but still did as he asked. It was probably easier for her too.

He looked at Sonny with sad eyes, putting down his fork. “They just weren’t very happy times. That’s all.” He put a hand to Sonny’s cheek. “But now you’re replacing all of the bad memories with good ones.”

Sonny smiled, leaning into his touch. “All I want is to make you happy.”

“And you do, my love, every single day.” It was true. Sonny was his light in the dark. No matter the day he’d had, no matter if he lost a case or had to face a victim’s family with the news that they wouldn’t be receiving justice, Sonny made it better. Coming home and seeing his suit jacket tossed over the back of a chair, or even his toothbrush next to his in the bathroom, made him whole again. Knowing that he shared his life with the epitome of all that was good in this world made him happier than he’d ever been.

“Well, hopefully the trend continues. You still have to open your present.”

“Sonny, really, the cake, spending the evening with you, it’s enough.” Rafael should have known there would be more. Sonny did not do anything halfway.

“Shush.” Sonny said, clearing their plates and pulling a small box from a drawer.

At the sight of the familiar blue of the box, white bow tied around it, Rafael shook his head. “Whatever it is, it’s too expensive. You shouldn’t spend your money on me.”

Sonny shrugged. “Liv let me work some OT. Open it.” He said eagerly.

“Okay, okay.” Rafael laughed, pulling the lid open. Inside were a beautiful pair of silver cufflinks.

“I love them, Sonny. Thank you.” He leaned in, showing his appreciation in a kiss.

“I, uh, I think you should maybe give them a closer look.” Sonny said, suddenly looking very nervous.

Rafael’s brow furrowed. “Um, okay.” Upon closer inspection he found that they were engraved and he nearly dropped the box his hands began shaking so furiously. He looked up, his tearful green eyes meeting apprehensive blue ones. “Sonny.” In a thin elegant script, one word on each cufflink, was the inscription  _Marry me?_

“I know it’s only been a year, officially, but I’ve loved you since the day I first saw you, striding into the squad room like a badass. You’re brilliant, smarter than anyone I’ve ever met. You fight for what’s right, even to your own detriment sometimes. You care so much, even though you do your best not to show it, but I see it. And you let me in, in a way that you don’t allow anyone else and I’m thankful every day that I get a part of you that no one else does. I love you, Rafael, and I always will. Will you please be my husband?”

Rafael found the lump in his throat wouldn’t allow him to speak, so he just nodded furiously, pulling Sonny to him, peppering him with kisses, his cheeks, his nose, finally his lips, their tears running together.

Finally, foreheads together, his hand on the back of Sonny’s neck, he thought maybe he could form words, at least the only ones that seemed to matter right now. “I love you, so much.”

Sonny smiled and Rafael’s heart raced at the thought of getting to see those dimples every day for the rest of his life. “I love you too, Rafi. Happy birthday.”


	7. Rafael Can't Perform

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can you do an imagine or something of Barba not getting it up after a long day of work???" prompted by anon on Tumblr. I don't really do imagines so of course I turned it into Barisi angst.

Rafael dropped his briefcase by the door, something he never did. Usually it went directly to its place in his office, but not tonight. Tonight he didn’t have the energy. Shoes were kicked off and left next to the briefcase, trench coat and suit jacket draped over the back of the couch. **  
**

He pulled his tie loose as he made his way to the bedroom, not even bothering to stop and pour his usual nightcap. All he could think of were his mattress and soft, soft pillows, and of course Sonny. Always Sonny. The only thing thing that could make the bad days not so bad.

Sonny, who was currently propped up in bed, torso bare, hair falling over his forehead, eyes focused on the New York Law Review in his hands. Rafael managed a small smile, stopping to lean on the doorjamb as he took in the sight, his heartbeat speeding up a little. “You should be asleep, you have court in the morning.”

Sonny looked up at him before glancing at the clock on the nightstand, the readout showing him a bright 12:32. “I could say the same thing to you.”

“Yeah, well…” He shrugged, shoving his suspenders from his shoulders and unbuttoning his pale blue shirt. When the shirt hit the floor, followed by his trousers, Sonny frowned.

He put the law journal on the night stand, giving Rafael his full attention. “Bad day?”

“What are you talking about?” Rafael, down to just his boxer briefs, slid under the covers, immediately snuggling up against him, enjoying the familiar feel of his smooth skin pressed up against his own.

“Because you never, ever leave your clothes on the floor. Even when I rip them off of you on the way to the bed you pick them up after. And if I leave something of mine on the floor, oh Lord, I get the twenty minute diatribe on-”

“Okay, okay.” Rafael sighed, resting his head on Sonny’s shoulder. “It was a long day and I’m just too tired to care about such things right now.”

It was a physical exhaustion, sure, sixteen hour workdays would do that to anyone, but it was more than that he was starting to think. It was emotional and mental too. This job, this life, it caught up to you eventually he supposed, continuously fighting only to make the most miniscule of changes.

“You sure that’s it?” Sonny looked down at him, concern evident in his blue eyes as he absentmindedly trailed fingers up and down Rafael’s arm.

Knowing that Sonny would take on his worries as his own, and not wanting to burden him with feelings that he couldn’t yet define himself, he lied. “Yes, that’s it.”

“Too tired for me?” Sonny asked with a mischievous grin, nuzzling Rafael, his stubble scratching his cheek.

“Never too tired for you.” He pulled Sonny down to him, suddenly desperate to have his lips on his.  The victims, the losses, the importance and responsibility that his job held, none of it mattered when Sonny kissed him, and all he wanted to do right now was escape it all.

Sonny was more than happy to oblige him, slipping his tongue into his mouth as he ran his hand over Rafael’s chest and belly, finally palming him over the thin fabric of his underwear.

Rafael did his best to remain in the moment, tried to focus on Sonny and his mouth moving perfectly against his, his hand, having shoved the material away, working expertly over him, but it seemed that tonight even Sonny couldn’t chase away the demons.

Not getting the results he was looking for, Sonny decided to go with plan B, nipping at his bottom lip one last time before starting to kiss his way down his torso, but Rafael’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. “No, it’s okay. I just…don’t think it’s happening tonight.” He sounded resigned.

Sonny’s brow furrowed in concern as he repositioned himself, leaning against the headboard. “Raf, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m getting older, sometimes it’s not going to work.” He did his best to deflect with humor. Sonny wasn’t buying it.

“Stop with that bullshit. You think my only concern is that your dick isn’t hard? There’s been something up for awhile now, will you please talk to me?”

Rafael sighed, but didn’t answer, couldn’t answer.

“Is it me? Are you not happy with me?” The worry in his voice made Rafael’s heart hurt.

“No, no, no.” He put a hand to Sonny’s cheek, making sure blue eyes were focused on his green. “It’s not you, could never be you. You’re my light, the good among all the bad.”

“Then what is it, Raf? You know you can talk to me about anything.” He linked his fingers through Rafael’s, running a thumb over the back of his hand.

He knew it was true. He’d been more open with Sonny than anyone he’d ever met, but he also felt guilty complaining about the pressures of the job when he knew that Sonny dealt with the same horrors he did, only Sonny usually got the worst of it. Rafael dealt with photos and the aftermath while Sonny was up close and personal with it all.

“I know. I just…need some more time I think.”

“Okay.” Sonny was still worried, but he’d give him what he asked. “Let’s get some sleep, okay?”

Rafael nodded and Sonny reached over, turning off the bedside lamp, before scooting down to drape an arm over him, head resting in the crook of his shoulder. Rafael felt the best that he had all night, Sonny’s warm breath soothing against his neck, and he finally felt himself starting to relax.

“After this trial, we’ll go on a trip, okay?” Sonny placed a light kiss against his neck. “No work, no phones, just us. Wherever you want to go.”

“Sounds perfect.” He said, knowing full well that after this trial was another, and then another, an endless cycle that he’d never be free of. But for the moment he wouldn’t think about that, instead he pictured Sonny on a beach chair, holding a bright colored cocktail, the ocean breeze fluttering his hair. And, when he finally slept, he dreamed of just that.


	8. Amanda Spills The Beans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Should Amanda tell Barba about Sonny's breakup? She thinks so," prompt from Tumblr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on deleted scenes from 19x05

“We did some more digging like you asked and we found two more victims. One is willing to testify that Mendelson sexually assaulted her.” Amanda explained, standing in front of Barba’s desk. **  
**

“And she’s credible?” Rafael leaned back in his chair, pen in hand.

“As far as I can tell. We haven’t done a deep dive yet, but we will.” Amanda assured him.

Rafael nodded, contemplating. “We need to be sure first. If we do this prematurely it could backfire. Make sure everything checks out, and if it does pick him up.”

Amanda nodded, but made no move toward the door.

“Was there something else detective?”

There was. It was the entire reason she’d come down here in person instead of just calling him. She’d gone back and forth about whether or not to say anything, wasn’t sure that it was her place to get involved, but he needed to know. “Actually, yes.” She took a deep breath. “I just thought you should know that it’s over.”

“What is?”

“Sonny and his…Arya. They aren’t together anymore.”

Rafael did his best to keep his face and tone neutral even though his heart was pounding wildly in his chest. “And you think I care about office gossip because…”

Amanda rolled her eyes. “I’m his best friend, you think I don’t know everything that happened?”

Rafael wanted to be annoyed, to feel betrayed, but he couldn’t. Sonny deserved to be able to talk to someone about what he’d gone through, or more accurately, what Rafael had put him through. “Did he break up with her or did she break up with him?” He felt like an eighth grader asking, but it was an important distinction.

Amanda frowned, not wanting to answer, but knew her silence would tell him the truth anyway. “She broke up with him.”

“Ah.” The little spark of hope that he’d felt fizzled out again. “Well, in any case, I’m sorry that it didn’t work out between them.”

Amanda laughed at that. “No, you’re not.”

“You’re close to being out of line, detective.” Rafael snapped.

“Oh, don’t give me that. We’re not the detective and the prosecutor, not right now. I’m talking to you as the best friend of the man who’s heart you broke. The best friend of the man who I’m pretty sure you still love and who I know still loves you.”

He shook his head emphatically. “If he loves me so much why did he jump into bed with that reporter three days after we broke up? And then for weeks I got to sit around the squad room listening to Fin crack Miss 34B jokes and watch as he ducked his head and blushed. Blushed! Like a freaking schoolboy. And if he hadn’t blabbed to her about this case they’d still be together, eating pinecones for dinner and singing friggin ‘Kumbaya.’”

He regretted the outburst instantly. Yes, he’d been the one to end things. Yes, Sonny had the right to date whomever he wanted. But that didn’t mean he liked it or didn’t feel jealous. But he also didn’t need Amanda to know that. Too late now, he guessed.

“Whoa.” Rollins fought a smile, knowing he’d probably kick her out if he thought she was laughing at him, but it was all too good. There was no way he’d be so worked up if he didn’t care. “You’re smart, right? I mean, they don’t hand out Harvard scholarships to morons, so you have to see that it was all a rebound. But he’s Sonny, and he throws himself completely into everything, so what should have been a one night stand to help dull the heartache became a months long relationship.”

Rafael sighed. “None of it matters anyway. I ended things for a reason and those reasons haven’t gone away. Nothing’s changed.”

“Well, I guess if your job is more important to you than he is, then you don’t deserve him anyway.” She’d come here for Sonny’s sake, knowing that he’d been at his happiest when he’d been with Barba, and wanting him to be that happy again, but maybe Rafael was right. Maybe it was better this way.

The words hit just the way she’d meant for them to, slicing into his chest and twisting for good measure. “You can go now, Rollins. Let me know when you pick up Mendelson.”

She’d learned the hard way over the years, but Amanda knew when it was time to walk away. With a simple, understanding nod, she turned on her heel and left his office, closing the door behind her.

When she was gone Rafael picked up his phone, flipping to an album he shouldn’t have. The cover photo was of his friend’s dog, but when he tapped open the album it was full of pictures of Sonny. A selfie of the two of them on the Staten Island Ferry. Sonny, shirtless in his bed, sheets up to his waist and hair mussed, a laugh on his lips. Sonny sitting in front of a birthday cake, the light of the candles turning his features hauntingly beautiful.

Rollins had been right about two things. The first being that Rafael still loved Sonny. The second being that he absolutely did not deserve him.

It had been a lie, that Rafael was worried about getting transferred or losing his job if anyone found out about the two of them. He loved Sonny more than his job, something he’d never thought was possible. That was the problem. He loved Sonny too much.

Sonny, who was ten years his junior and would one day realize he was wasting his time with an old man. Sonny, who wanted kids and would make an excellent father and would come to resent Rafael for not wanting the same things. Sonny, who was optimistic and friendly and joyful, and would grow tired of Rafael’s grumpy pessimism.

So, Rafael had ended it before Sonny could. It was easier that way. Rafael had the control. Rafael decided when his heart got broken. He wouldn’t wake up one day to find Sonny unhappy with him, wouldn’t give him the chance.

He hit a couple buttons on his phone, his thumb pausing to hover over the words “Delete Album.” He wanted to do it, wanted to get rid of the photos so he’d stop torturing himself, but it was all he had left. He quickly tapped “Cancel” instead, dropping his phone to the desktop.

He’d delete them tomorrow, he told himself, even though he knew it was just another lie.


	9. Bed Sharing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How's about a ridiculously tropey prompt - forced bed sharing," prompt from Tumblr.

“I am never getting in a car with you behind the wheel ever again.” Rafael shook snow from his hair as they stepped into the drab lobby of whatever godforsaken motel they’d ended up at. He’d looked at the sign on the way in, but had already forgotten the name.   **  
**

“Have fun getting back to the city, then.” Sonny smirked and Rafael cursed his lack of a driver’s license, a byproduct of living in New York his entire life, besides his short detour in Cambridge. He considered how much an Uber would cost to get him back in the morning and thought it just might be worth it. “Besides, you were the one that wanted to drive back tonight even though it’s snowing like a son of a bitch.”

“Well, I didn’t know you were going to send us careening off of a cliff, now did I?”

Sonny did his best not to roll his eyes. “It could barely be classified as an embankment, let alone a cliff. And I got the tow truck driver to give us a ride didn’t I?”

“He really went out of his way.” Rafael scoffed. The driver had dropped them off here because it was the only motel between where they’d slid off the road and his autobody shop. He looked around the deserted office, thinking that it looked like the opening scene of a horror movie. “We might have been better off braving the elements.”

“Aw, c’mon. It’s not so bad.” Sonny walked up to a thick, bullet proof window -  _Peachy_ , Rafael thought - and rang the small bell that sat outside it.

Rafael was about to hit the bell again when a kid who looked to be no older than 18 or 19 came walking from the back. The smell of weed wafted through the small hole in the glass and Sonny thought about the badge on his hip, hoping the kid didn’t notice. He really didn’t care about this kid smoking some pot and he was out of his jurisdiction anyway.

“Yeah?” Was the kid’s version of customer service.

“Uh, yeah. Can we get a double room or just two singles? Whatever ya got.”

The kid sighed and looked to the computer, an ancient desktop that had probably been out of date 15 years ago. He took his sweet time and Sonny could see Barba growing more and more impatient. “Anything at all.” Sonny said, trying to hurry the kid along. “We’re not picky.”

“Got one room. Queen bed.” He said finally.

“That’s it?” Rafael jumped in.

“Snowing like a motherfucker, man. Lots a people crashing here for the night.”

“We’ll take it.” Sonny said, handing over his credit card before Rafael could find a way through bulletproof glass to throttle the kid.

After what was possibly the longest transaction in the history of the hospitality industry, Sonny was handed a key, an honest to God key, not a card, and they made their way back outside, bitter wind and snow pelting their faces as they walked around the building to their room.

The room could have been the set for Psycho, everything was so outdated, but, much to Rafael’s surprise, it seemed clean. He jumped as Sonny threw the deadbolt.

“Just in case.” He shrugged. “That kid was weird.”

Rafael huffed a small laugh and Sonny beamed knowing he’d caused it. “That’s probably a good idea. Although, he moved so slowly, I think we could outrun him.” He took off his coat, damp from the snow, and sat his briefcase down, pulling the knot from his already loosened tie. His hand froze on his top button as he watched as Sonny pulled his gun from its holster, smooth hands and nimble fingers removing the clip and then the bullet from the chamber before setting all three on the nightstand.

He looked up at Rafael, catching him staring, as he unclipped his badge and laid it next to the gun. A knowing smirk crossed his face and Rafael cleared his throat. “Uh, is there anyone you need to call? You know, to let them know you won’t be making it back tonight?” He did his best to keep his tone nonchalant. He was just being nice since Sonny’s phone had died right after calling for the tow truck. Luckily Rafael had been charging his in the car, so they still had one way of contacting the outside world.

“Nah,” Sonny shook his head. “You?”

“Nope.” Rafael rocked on his heels. “I, uh, I think I’m going to take a shower. Keep an eye out for Norman Bates, would you?”

“I’ll keep you safe.” Sonny assured him even though at the moment Rafael thought he might be more dangerous than anyone.

Once in the bathroom, a wall safely between he and Sonny, he chastised himself. He was being ridiculous. So what if he found Sonny attractive? And so what if he’d developed a teeny tiny crush on him, a crush that still seemed to be intact even after he’d tried to kill him with his driving? That didn’t matter. They’d sleep. They’d get up, pick up Sonny’s car, and go back to the city, nothing any different than it had been when they’d left that morning.

Twenty minutes later he stepped out of the bathroom, feeling a bit better, in his undershirt and boxers, hair damp. Sonny, who was stretched out on the bed, still in his suit pants and waistcoat, socked feet hanging off the end of the bed, was watching the grainy, ancient television. Rafael thought it was an old Seinfeld rerun, but he couldn’t be sure with the picture quality being what it was.

Sonny’s eyes widened when he glanced over at him and Rafael turned to hide his smirk, laying his neatly folded clothes over the back of the one chair in the room. “Problem, detective?”

“I uh, just didn’t realize we were gonna get so casual.”

“I can’t sleep in my suit. It will wrinkle.” He said simply, walking around to his side of the bed and sliding under the covers.

“Well, do you mind if I, uh…” Sonny gestured to himself and Rafael shrugged.

“Whatever makes you comfortable.” He turned on his side, facing away from Sonny even though it was torture to know he was getting undressed behind him. He’d already been caught ogling him once tonight, he wasn’t going to let it happen again.

Finally, the mattress shifted as Sonny got into beside him. The TV turned off and the light followed a second later.

“Good night, counselor.”

“Good night, detective.”It wasn’t long before Sonny’s breathing deepened with sleep and Rafael found himself feeling jealous. He wished it were that easy to turn his brain off and fall into the peacefulness of sleep. He ran through trial prep in his head, watching the snow fall outside the window. Eventually, the sight of the flakes, falling in a frenzy in the parking lot lights, lulled him into sleep.

* * *

Rafael jolted awake when something slapped him in the face. It took him a few seconds to get his bearings before he realized it was the palm of a rather large hand resting across his nose and mouth. He sighed, shoving the hand away only for it to land on his chest. He looked over at Sonny, who was on his stomach, limbs stretched in every direction like a starfish, his right leg shoved against Rafael’s. He had also managed to take the comforter entirely to himself and Rafael shivered in the cold air.

He picked Sonny’s hand up off his chest, letting it plop to the mattress, before working to try to get some of the blanket back.

“Come on, Rafi, don’t be like that.” Sonny mumbled and Rafael’s hands froze on the comforter. He didn’t move a muscle for what seemed like an eternity, but Sonny’s soft snores told him the detective was still sleeping. He’d just been talking in his sleep, but that meant he was dreaming about him. And apparently sleep Sonny called him Rafi. Interesting.

Finally managing to get his share of the blanket, Rafael burrowed underneath it, falling back to sleep with an amused smile on his face.

* * *

“Mornin’ Counselor.” Sonny said from in front of the window when Rafael opened his eyes the next morning. He was already dressed, surveying the aftermath of the previous night’s snowstorm. “Stopped snowing. Parking lot is a mess, but looks like the main road is clear. Should be able to get out of here as soon as the car’s fixed.”

Rafael’s response could only be described as a grunt as he closed his eyes again.

Sonny laughed. “Here.”

The smell of coffee, bad coffee, but coffee nonetheless, wafted up to him and he pried his eyes open. Sonny was holding a paper cup inches from his face.

“Got it from the lobby, so drink at your own risk.” Sonny said as Rafael took the cup from him, propping himself up on his elbow so he could drink. This time Sonny figured the grunt could be described as appreciative.

Sonny drank from his own cup as Rafael started to come to life with each sip he took. “I knew you were one of those types that couldn’t function before you had your coffee.”

“And I knew you’d be irritatingly cheery first thing in the morning.” Rafael drained his cup and tried to find the motivation to climb out from beneath the warm covers, all his now that Sonny wasn’t in the bed to hog them.

“You been thinkin’ about what I’d be like first thing in the morning?” Sonny smirked and Rafael was stunned at his brazenness only for a moment.

“I just figured you’d have to be in a good mood since you’re so well-rested, having taken the entire bed and all of the blankets for yourself.”

Sonny had the decency to blush. “Uh, yeah, sorry. I tend to do that.”

“Almost gives me second thoughts on ever sharing a bed with you again.” Rafael said nonchalantly, finally swinging his legs over the side of the bed, willing himself to stand. He had to fight not to smile triumphantly as Sonny’s eyes widened.

“Almost?” He finally managed to ask.

Rafael just smirked, grabbing his clothes off the back of the chair and walking into the bathroom.

“What do you mean almost?” Sonny called after him, but Rafael ignored him, swinging the bathroom door closed with a loud click.


	10. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Halloween fluff prompted by tobeconspicuous

“Raf, come on!” Sonny called into the kitchen from his place on the couch. “Let’s get this over with, please.”

Rafael laughed as he walked into the room, carrying a large bowl of popcorn. “Scream is not a movie that you ‘get over with.’ It’s a classic and needs to be treated as such.”

When Rafael confessed that his guilty pleasure was 90’s slasher films, Sonny had thought he was kidding. Much to his dismay he hadn’t been.

“Classic?” Sonny was skeptical, but to be fair the only time he’d seen it was through the latticework of his fingers as a sixteen year-old. All he remembered was the grief he’d gotten from his friends for being afraid.

“Yes. Classic.” Rafael reaffirmed, settling into the couch and digging into the popcorn.

When Sonny had told him that he didn’t like horror movies, he’d thought it had just been a general dislike for the genre, but he genuinely seemed nervous. “We don’t have to watch it if you really don’t want to.”

“No, I promised you I would and I’m gonna do this.” It sounded like he was psyching himself up more than anything.

This was the compromise that they’d reached. Sonny wanted to drag Rafael to Amanda’s Halloween party the next night, in couples costume for crying out loud. Rafael had agreed, but only if they got to spend an evening watching his favorite slasher flicks.

“I don’t get it.” Rafael shook his head. “You’re one of the bravest people I know. You run headfirst into danger all the time, more than I’d like you to, but scary movies freak you out.”

“Well, in real life I’ve got my training, backup, my vest, my gun, but with this stuff.” He gestured to the screen where nothing was actually playing yet. “I got nothing. I can’t do anything about any of it. What am I gonna do, shoot the TV? Who am I, Elvis?”

Rafael chuckled. “Your brain is fascinating. Ready?”

Sonny’s expression said he was anything but, but he nodded his head.

Rafael pressed start on the remote and laughed when Sonny wrapped his arms around his bicep. Poor Drew Barrymore had yet to even meet her demise and Sonny was practically in his lap.

“No, I don’t.” Sonny mumbled into his shoulder when the caller asked, “Do you like scary movies?”

Rafael genuinely felt bad that Sonny was scared, but it also kind of felt nice to be the protector for once. “Sonny, I promise you, I won’t hold it against you if you don’t want to keep watching. I’ll even still go to the party.”

“No.” Sonny said, his face still buried in Rafael’s shoulder as blood splattered on screen. “I’m going to do this.”

And he did, though most of it he only heard, choosing instead to keep his eyes clenched shut, clinging onto Rafael.

“There. Not so bad, right?” Rafael asked as the credits rolled.

“Uh, yeah, not so bad.” Sonny said unconvincingly as he sat up straight, his muscles aching from being scrunched up for so long.

Rafael took pity on him, deciding to go in a different direction for their next movie. “Here, something a little less gruesome.”

“Rear Window?” Sonny asked as Rafael clicked on the title.

“Classic Hitchcock.”

“Hitchcock? I don’t know, Raf. Psycho gave me nightmares for a week.”

“This one is more suspenseful than anything.” Rafael assured him. “Trust me. I’m not trying to actually torture you here. It’s not bad.”

“Okay, let’s give it a shot.” Sonny agreed.

Trusting Rafael that he wouldn’t need to hide in his shoulder this time, he opted to stretch out on the couch, resting his head on Rafael’s lap. Rafael smiled as Sonny got cozy, running his fingers through his soft waves as they watched Jimmy Stewart spy on his neighbors.

* * *

The room was dark, TV off, when Sonny woke up. He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. The apartment was quiet, almost too quiet. “Raf?”

Somewhere in the apartment a door closed.

“Raf?” Sonny called louder this time, but there was no answer. He stood and made his way slowly down the hallway on the balls of his feet, staying close to the wall. “This isn’t funny. Come on.” He was annoyed at how loudly his heart pounded in his ears. He was being ridiculous, he knew, but he couldn’t help it.

He’d almost made it to the bedroom at the end of the hall when a figure came flying out of the dark bathroom. “Boo!”

Sonny jumped a mile high, hand drawing back, fist clenched in reflex. Luckily, Rafael’s laughter made him drop his arm. “That’s not fucking funny.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Rafael put a hand on his shoulder, bent over in laughter. “I was coming to wake you up so you could come to bed and I just couldn’t resist.”

“Jesus Christ.” Sonny put a hand to his chest, willing his heartbeat to slow.

“That’s blasphemy, detective.” Rafael chided, his laughter finally subsiding, but the amused grin never left his lips.

“Then I’ll say a bunch of extra Hail Mary’s on Sunday.” He tried to walk past Rafael to get to the bedroom, but Rafael put a hand out to stop him.

“Hey, you’re not actually mad at me, are you?”

“Yes, you jerk.” He grumbled, but there was no bite to it.

“I may be a jerk, but you’re the one who loves a jerk.” Rafael put his hands on Sonny’s hips, holding him in place so he could rise up and place a kiss on his pouting lips.

“Maybe.” Sonny shrugged, but was fighting a smile.

Rafael took his hand, threading his fingers through Sonny’s. “C’mon, come to bed and I’ll make it up to you.”

“You’ll do the thing?” Sonny asked, allowing himself to be pulled into the bedroom.

Rafael sighed. “Yes, fine.” He gently pushed Sonny onto the bed. “But that gets me out of wearing a costume tomorrow.”

Sonny thought about it for a second as Rafael crawled up the bed to straddle him. “Deal.” He said just before Rafael’s lips crashed against his.


	11. Cold Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cold feet prompt from barbaesparza

Sonny’s hands shook nervously as he tried for the fourth time to tie his bow tie. It was frustrating that he couldn’t get it right, the silk slipping from his trembling fingers each time he tried to pull the final end through the loop. Rafael had even given him a lesson, making Sonny practice so that he’d be sure to get it right today. **  
**

Rafael. A rock formed in Sonny’s stomach at the thought of him in the next room. His tie was probably already fixed perfectly around his neck.

Finally, he gave up, dropping his hands, the tie draped around his neck. “Do you know how to do this?” He turned from the mirror to look at Amanda, who was sitting on a chair watching his failed attempts.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Dammit, I knew I should have gotten a clip on. Or fought Raf harder on just having a regular damn tie.”

“No, no. None of that. I’m your best man and I’m going to figure this out.” Amanda did a quick google search, finding an instructional video on bow ties. “Doesn’t seem so hard.” She said after watching it through a couple of times.

“Okay, so I loop this around this.” She stood in front of Sonny, working the ends of the tie the way the video had shown. “And then I fold this like this, and then loop this through here, and voila!” She said triumphantly, stepping aside so Sonny could see in the mirror.

“It’s crooked.” He whined.

“It was just my first try! Here, I’ll do it again.” She was faster this time, already having done it once, and when she pulled the bow tight she was pretty damn impressed with herself. “There. All good.” She caught Sonny’s face in the mirror, his skin looked even paler than usual and his expression looked more like someone going to a funeral than to his wedding. “We are all good, right?”

“I don’t know if I can do this, Amanda.”

“What? What are you talking about?” She’d had to listen to Sonny Carisi go on and on about Rafael Barba for years now. First, it was about how impressive he was, how smart he was, how he inspired Sonny to work even harder at learning the law. And then it was how handsome he was and did she notice the way Barba looked at him across the conference table? And finally, it became how happy he made him, how she didn’t get to see the real Rafael, not like he did, and how he couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else.

Years. Years of him waxing poetic about Barba and now he was having second thoughts?

“It’s just…he’s so far out of my league. He’s brilliant and cultured and he makes all these references that I pretend to get and then I google them later. He wants to run for DA someday and I’m the one he’s gonna have by his side?” Sonny ran a hand through his hair before Amanda could stop him, shaking it loose from it’s perfectly constructed wave. “How am I gonna rub elbows with New York’s elite? I’m a friggin’ cop from Staten Island. It just doesn’t make sense. We don’t make sense. Why did I ever think it did?”

“Believe me when I say, I used to think the same thing.” Amanda held up a hand when he went to speak. “You’re different in so many ways, but that’s what makes it work, I think. And you’re selling yourself short, Sonny. You have so much to offer, I see it and Barba does, too. And you’re a friggin’ cop  _and_  a lawyer from Staten Island.” She gave his shoulder a playful nudge. “And don’t you forget it.”

She’d hoped for a smile, anything to indicate that he was shaking off the doubts, but his eyes were still filled with panic. “Okay, look.” She took him by the arm and led him over to a small sofa. “Just sit here, okay? I’m going to go get you some water and we’ll figure this out.” She slipped out of the room, giving him one last worried glance before closing the door behind her.

“Liv!” Amanda stage whispered, knocking lightly on the next door over.

“What’s going on?” Olivia asked after she opened the door.

“Something wrong?” Rafael asked from behind her.

“Nope! Everything is fine.” Amanda grabbed Olivia by the arm, pulling her into the hallway and closing the door.

“What is your deal?” Olivia asked, rubbing her arm where Amanda had gripped it.

“Sonny is freaking out and I don’t know what to do.”

“Sonny? Sonny Carisi?” It was hard to believe. Anyone who had ever spent more than five seconds around the two of them could see that Sonny was completely head over heels for Rafael. It was downright disgusting at times.

“Yes! And you know I suck at this stuff. Can you talk to him?”

Olivia wasn’t really one to be giving relationship advice, but she might as well try. “Let me just tell Barba I’ll be right back.” She reached for the doorknob, but before she could turn it the door was flying open.

“I’ll take care of it.” Rafael said, striding out into the hallway. “You two really should learn how to speak more quietly.” He tapped lightly on the door to Sonny’s dressing room before giving the two women a look. “A bit of privacy, please?”

“Sure, sorry.” It was Olivia’s turn to grab Amanda by the arm, pulling her into the room that Rafael had just vacated.

“Sonny?” Rafael tapped a little harder this time.

The sound made Sonny jump, breaking him out of the endless loop of his anxious thoughts.

“I’m coming in,” Rafael warned, but Sonny lunged for the door, pushing it closed.

“You can’t! It’s bad luck.”

Rafael shook his head, Sonny had wanted everything to be traditional. He was standing in a freaking church right now because, “It’s tradition, Rafi. Everyone in my family has gotten married in that church,” but he thought the whole seeing each other before the wedding was bad luck thing was pushing it. Neither of them was a bride, for one, but it implied that Sonny still thought there would be a wedding, so he wasn’t going to argue.

“Fine, but I’m not going anywhere. Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

Sonny was quiet for so long that Rafael thought that he wasn’t going to answer, but finally he whispered, barely loud enough for Rafael to hear through the door. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?” Rafael asked, afraid to know the answer.

Sonny leaned his forehead against the door. “That eventually you’ll realize that I’m not enough for you.”

“Not enough for me? Oh, Sonny, nothing could be further from the truth. You are everything that I could ever want. You are beautiful and perfect and I never in a million years thought I’d be lucky enough to have you look at me the way that you do.

“And I love you, more than anything, and I want you by my side always, but if this doesn’t feel right to you, if you don’t want to go through with it, then that’s okay. We’ll leave now and we’ll figure it out, together.”

Again, Sonny was quiet, and Rafael was afraid of what it meant. “Sonny?”

“I love you too, Rafi.” Rafael could hear the tears in his voice. “Let’s get married.”

“Okay,” Rafael grinned at the door. “Now, go fix your hair because I’m sure you’ve been running your hand through it, and I’ll meet you at the altar, okay?”

Sonny laughed. “It’s a date.”


	12. Sonny Comforts Rafael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Carisi comforting Barba on the anniversary of his abuelita's death when he finds out it's coming up," prompt from tumblr. Pre-Barisi.

“Three years already? How are you doing?” Sonny heard Olivia asking as he approached her office. **  
**

He knocked on the open door. “Hey, sorry to interrupt,” He said, stepping inside to find Barba sitting across from Olivia at her desk.

“What is it, Carisi?” Liv asked.

“I went to talk to Emily, ya know, just to make sure she was ready for tomorrow, and now she’s saying that she doesn’t think she can testify.”

“What’d you say to her?” Barba asked, his tone accusatory.

“I didn’t say anything to her. Just asked her how she was holding up and if she wanted to run through everything again.”

“First of all, witness prep is not your job, it’s mine. And she was fine after our session yesterday, so you must have said something to make her change her mind.”

“Look, Barba. I’m tellin’ you, something made her change her mind, but it wasn’t me and I really don’t appreciate you saying that it was.”

“Whatever it was, you need to fix it.” Rafael stood. “She needs to be in front of a grand jury at 9am tomorrow or we’re screwed.”

“What’s his problem?” Sonny threw a thumb over his shoulder at the door after Barba left.

“Cut him a little slack.” Olivia said softly. “Today’s a bad day for him.”

“Dry cleaners ruin his favorite suit or somethin’?”

“No.” Olivia leaned back in her chair, trying to decide how much she should say. She knew that Rafael didn’t really like anyone knowing his personal business, but she also hated that everyone thought her friend was a jerk with no feelings. “It’s the anniversary of his grandmother’s death. They were close.”

“Oh.” Sonny felt like a dick, especially for the dry cleaning comment. “Is there anything I can do?”

“I don’t think so.” Olivia told him. “Every year he just works through it and the next day he’s back to normal. We just have to let him be grumpy today.”

“More than usual?” Sonny joked, but there was no malice in it.

Olivia smiled. “Yeah, tomorrow he’ll be back at his normal level of grumpy.”

* * *

“Mr. Barba, Detective Carisi is here.” Carmen announced in his doorway.

Rafael sighed, probably here with more bad news, or worse, to continue to argue that he’d done nothing wrong to mess up this case. He debated sending him away, but the detective was nothing if not persistent. It was probably better to just get it over with.

“Send him in.”

“Hey, Counselor.” Sonny walked in, a paper bag in his hand. “I uh, I brought you some soup from my favorite deli. Not as good as I make, but I didn’t really have the time, ya know?”

Rafael didn’t know. Didn’t know that Carisi cooked, didn’t know why he was bringing him soup.

“What’s this for?”

“Oh, um, just an apology, for earlier.” Sonny sat the bag on the corner of his desk, the only place not covered with files and papers.

“Did you get Ms. McFadden to change her mind?”

“No, not yet. I-“

“Then maybe you’d better spend your time on that instead of bringing me food.” As far as Rafael was concerned the conversation was over. He turned back to his notes, but Carisi didn’t leave, instead he folded his tall frame into one of the chairs opposite his desk.

“Ya know, when I was growing up, I spent so much time at my Gran’s house. Three sisters, the house gets loud, so I’d go over there anytime I just needed to get away. And sometimes,” a reverent smile crossed his face, “sometimes she’d bring me home and I’d cry and cry until my parents let me go home with her again.”

Rafael’s jaw clenched and he planned to have a talk with Liv about what was and wasn’t to be shared with her squad. He wanted to cut Carisi off, to kick him out of his office for completely overstepping his bounds, but Carisi was still speaking and something made him listen.

“She died when I was seventeen.” Sonny looked down, but not before Rafael noticed how his eyes had darkened a shade or two. “I’d never lost anyone that I cared about before. I guess I was lucky that it took that long. Some people aren’t, you know?” He looked up, eyes meeting Rafael’s. “But I was absolutely devastated. I went to her for everything. She got me, understood me. She was the first person I came out to.”

Rafael’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, but he didn’t say anything.

“She was hardcore Catholic, but she didn’t care. She said ‘Sonny, I love you and I’ll love whoever you love,’ and that was that. But then she was gone.” He shook his head. “She had this big lilac bush in her yard and even though it’s been twenty years I still think of her every time I smell lilacs.”

Sonny cleared his throat, laughing uncomfortably. “So, uh, I guess the point of all that is that I know what you’re going through and if you ever need anyone to talk to or anything…”

Rafael nodded, a lump in his throat.

“Well, uh…” Sonny put his hands on the arms of the chair, preparing to stand, but Rafael’s voice stopped him.

“My abuelita practically raised me. My mother was always working and my father…” He trailed off. Sonny didn’t know the exact details, but he’d heard enough to know that Barba hadn’t had the most pleasant of childhoods. “And what happened, it was my fault. I pushed her too hard, I shouldn’t have…” Again he didn’t finish his sentence, looking down at his desk.

Sonny had an  idea that he wasn’t really talking to him anyway.

Rafael took a few deep breaths, composing himself before looking back up at Sonny. Tears shone in his eyes, but none fell. “Thank you…Sonny.”

Sonny was glad he was sitting because the shock of hearing Barba call him by his preferred name was enough to knock him over.

“Anytime, Counselor.” This time he did stand and made his way over to the door. “Make sure you eat that soup before it gets cold.”

“I will.” Rafael promised. When Sonny was gone he pulled a picture frame out of his top drawer, where it had lived for the past three years. He repositioned it on his desk, his mother and abuelita’s faces smiling out at him. And for the first time that day, he smiled too.


	13. Rafael Distracts Sonny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sonny trying to study for the bar but Rafael won't stop distracting him," prompted by anon on Tumblr

Sonny sat at Rafael’s dining room table, hunched over his notes and books, tongue between his teeth, brow furrowed in concentration. He only had three days until his bar exam and a particularly tough case had left him little study time as of late. **  
**

“Which tie do you think is better?” Rafael asked, walking out of the bedroom, holding up two gray ties that, to Sonny, looked almost identical.

He sighed and tilted his head at Rafael. It was the third seemingly inconsequential question he’d come out to ask him in the last half an hour. Rafael had been kind enough to offer his place as a study venue when Sonny complained about his neighbor’s newborn baby’s impressive set of lungs. Sonny was starting to think he would have been better off with the crying baby.

“Are you going somewhere?” It was Friday night, their normal date night, but they’d decided to forgo it so Sonny could study. Maybe his boyfriend had made other plans.

“No. Just prepping for work next week.” Rafael shrugged.

“Well, they look the same to me, which is probably why you have never, in the course of our entire relationship, asked me for any fashion advice.” Sonny turned back to his books, not looking up when Rafael huffed.

“And now I never will again.” He retreated back to the bedroom and Sonny fell back into rhythm on his practice exam.

But it wasn’t long before he once again heard the pad of Rafael’s socked feet on the hardwood. “I’m hungry, are you? I think I’m going to order some Thai.”

“Order whatever you want.” Sonny said absentmindedly, circling an answer, erasing the circle, staring at it for a moment, and then circling the same one again.

“Does that mean you want some, or no?”

“Raf, I’m timing myself on this.” He finally looked up. “Order me something, don’t order me something. I don’t care right now.”

Rafael held up his hands, but Sonny could swear he looked a little amused. “Okay, fine.”

Once again Sonny picked up his pencil, trying to read the next question, but Rafael didn’t move. “Do you want some music on?”

Sonny dropped the pencil to the table with such force that it rolled across the mahogany top before dropping to the floor. He looked at Rafael with exasperation. “What is your problem? You’re acting like a little kid who needs to be entertained. If someone did this to you when your were studying for the bar you would have eviscerated them.”

Rafael picked up the practice exam and began to read aloud. “A state law prevents any barbershop licensed by the state from displaying posters in support of any current candidate for public office or displaying or distributing any campaign literature in support of such a candidate.”

“What are you doing?”

Rafael just gave him a look and kept reading. “No other kinds of posters or literature are subject to this prohibition, nor are any other types of commercial establishments in the state subject to similar prohibitions. Is this law constitutional?”

“No, because it places a restriction on the content of speech without any evidence that a restriction is necessary to serve a compelling state interest.” Sonny answered before Rafael could even read the multiple choice options.

He read a couple more sample questions, each time Sonny answered correctly without needing to hear the options.

Rafael flipped the booklet closed, letting it drop to the table in front of Sonny. “That’s why.”

“Why what?”

Rafael held out his hand for Sonny to take, but he just shook his head. “Raf, I have to study.”

“No, you don’t.” He reached for him again and this time Sonny sighed and took his hand, allowing Rafael to pull him to his feet. Rafael put his hands on his neck, thumbs grazing lightly over the stubble on his jaw. “You’re ready, Sonny. You know this stuff inside and out and you’re going to burn yourself out if you keep going over it.”

“Well, I know the stuff you were asking me, but I really need to go over torts again and-“

Rafael silenced him with a kiss on his lips. “You need to relax. And you were wrong. Rita did the same thing to me and she’s still alive. And, trust me, offering to feed you is nicer than what she did do me.”

“What’d she do?” He asked and Rafael felt triumphant that he’d finally managed to properly distract him.

“She threw a water balloon through my open apartment window, followed by several more and then used a supersoaker.”

Sonny laughed. “She is my hero.”

“It was the day I vowed to never again live in a ground level apartment. And as annoyed as I was at first, it was what I needed. You can’t get too inside your head on this stuff. You’re smart and you know the material, now you just need to let your brain rest.”

Sonny ran a hand through his already mussed hair. “I don’t know, I just don’t feel ready.”

“How about this?” Rafael wrapped his arms around Sonny’s waist. “Tonight we’ll order food, watch that trashy TV you love, and tomorrow, if you still don’t feel ready, I’ll spend the whole day drilling you. And if you do feel ready and don’t need to study, I’ll spend the whole day drilling you.” He placed a kiss on Sonny’s neck, feeling his pulse pick up at the suggestion.

“Did Rita do that for you too?” Rafael could hear the smirk in his voice from where he was still moving his lips over Sonny’s neck.

He removed any surprise from his expression before he pulled back to look at Sonny with a shrug of his shoulders. “Maybe.” In fact she had not, but the smartass didn’t need to know that, he decided.

The grin dropped from Sonny’s face. “Are you serious?”

Rafael shrugged again, giving him another quick peck of the lips. “Was that place we ordered from last time okay? You liked their pad see ew, right?”

“You really aren’t going to tell me?” It was almost a whine.

“Pass the bar and maybe I’ll tell you.” Rafael smirked. “Now, pad see ew?”

“Yes, but we’re watching the Bachelorette and you aren’t allowed to say one derogatory thing the entire time.” Sonny wagged a finger.

“It will be tough, but I think I can make it through an episode.”

“Well, lucky for you, I’ve been so busy at work that I have three recorded.”

Rafael groaned. “On second thought, maybe you should study a little longer.”

“Nope, you said I’m a genius and don’t need to.”

“I don’t recall ever saying the word genius.”

“I’m pretty sure it was in there somewhere.” Sonny laughed, pulling a reluctant Rafael into the living room.


	14. Rita and Sonny Tease Barba

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rita and Sonny tease Barba, prompted by ChameleonCircuit

Rafael frowned over the rim of his paper coffee cup when he stepped from the hallway into his outer office to find Carmen’s desk unmanned, but he didn’t have much time to question it before he heard laughter coming through the crack in his office door. Sonny’s laughter combined with another all too familiar laugh. This wasn’t good. **  
**

“Glad that the two of you are making yourselves comfortable.” He said when he stepped inside, finding Sonny and Rita on his couch. Rita held one of his white ceramic coffee mugs in her manicured hands and Sonny was down to the end of what looked to be an Italian sub.

“Hey, Raf. We brought you lunch.” Sonny beamed at him, picking up a wrapped sandwich off of the coffee table and holding it out to him.

 _We?_  Rafael had known that brunch the other day had been a bad idea, but Sonny had wanted to meet some of his friends and, well, Rita was pretty much it. At least as far as real friends went. He’d hesitated, only because Rita knew too much about him, embarrassing things, things that he’d prefer Sonny not know, at least not yet. But Sonny had been persistent and Rafael was weak when it came to Sonny.

Of course they’d already known each other, but once outside of the confines of a case they’d hit it off, thick as thieves before their mimosas had even arrived. Sonny milked Rita for details of a young Rafael and Rita had been more than happy to give them.

And now apparently they were getting lunch together. Great.

“Thanks…” He took the sandwich from Sonny with his free hand, still eyeing them warily. Most people would be happy if two of the most important people in their life were getting along, but it just seemed like trouble. “I didn’t realize the two of you were spending time together.”

“Why, does it bother you?” Rita asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Have you seen Carmen?” He asked instead, ignoring Rita’s question. He wanted to ask her that moving forward no one be allowed to wait in his office, even if it was his boyfriend and his best friend, especially if it was his boyfriend and his best friend.

“Oh, we told her to go get some lunch.” Rita sat her mug down. “You practically keep her chained to her desk, poor thing.”

There was that  _we_  word again. “No, I don’t.” He was annoyed at how petulant it sounded.

“Uh, you kind of do, Raf.” Sonny said, crumpling up his sandwich wrapper and tossing it in a nearby trash can.

Rita raised a hand toward Sonny in a “See?” gesture.

“Carmen is free to take as many breaks as she chooses.” Rafael walked around behind his desk, dropping the sandwich to its surface. He drained his coffee cup, wishing it held something stronger. “And I’d bet my next Forlini’s tab that you can’t tell me the last time your admin took a vacation.”

Rita waved that away. “We’re not talking about me.”

Rafael smirked, but his sense of triumph didn’t last long.

“Anyway,” Rita stood, walking over to the coffee pot to refill her mug. “I invited Dominick to get together because-”

 _Dominick? What the hell?_  “He hates being called that.” Again, the childishness of his tone grated on his own nerves.

“Oh, well, I told her it was okay.” Sonny said amiably. Rafael glared at him, but Sonny didn’t seem to notice.

“Because,” Rita continued, ignoring the exchange. “My firm is hiring a new batch of associates and I can get him a slot.”

“What?” He looked at Sonny for confirmation and felt his stomach drop when he nodded. His beautiful, kind, fighter for all that was good Sonny, a defense attorney? “No.”

“It’s a really great opportunity, Raf.” Sonny casually took a swig from a water bottle like they weren’t discussing the possibility of him giving up everything that he’d previously stood for.

Rafael shook his head. “You can’t be serious.”

“Why? He’s got a great legal mind and it’s being wasted.” Rita jumped back in.

“How do you know that? You’ve gathered that from one brunch and whatever this,” he gestured between them, “is? You couldn’t possibly.”

“Hey!” Sonny objected.

“Of course you’re a brilliant lawyer.” Rafael assured him. “But she doesn’t know that.”

“Of course I do.” Rita leaned back against the table that was in the middle of the room. “You don’t think I’ve noticed that since the two of you started dating, your opening statements, your crosses, everything has gotten better? Your Linden closing argument was a work of art. There’s no way you came up with something that good. I know Dominick had to have a hand in it.”

“No, he didn-” Rafael stopped himself. That wasn’t the issue right now. He turned back to Sonny. “You’re really going to become a defense attorney? After everything you’ve seen? After all the criminals you’ve seen walk after you fought so hard to catch them?

Sonny shrugged. “You did it at first. And it would be good money. I could save a lot, help my parents.”

“Oh, it’s better than good money. It’s great money.” Rita added.

“That doesn’t matter!” A fist hit the top of his desk. “No amount of money is worth going over to the dark side. I learned that the hard way. And another thing, no cop who has ever-”

“How’d I do?” Rita interrupted, looking at Sonny.

“What?” Rafael stopped his diatribe, confused.

Sonny picked his phone up off of the coffee table, pausing the timer. “Nine minutes and forty-three seconds.”

“Told ya!” She gave Sonny a fist bump, something Rafael had literally never seen her do in the nearly thirty years he’d known her.

“What’s happening?” Rafael asked, bewildered.

“I bet Dominick,” she rolled her eyes, “that I could make that vein in your neck pop out in less than ten minutes.”

“And she gets bonus points because your face turned that purple-y color.” Sonny laughed. “I really thought you had him with the whole ‘there’s no way you came up with something that good’ line.”

“Me too. But I guess I’m losing my touch.”

“So this is all bullshit?” Just because they were trying to get him riled up, didn’t mean that the job offer wasn’t real.

“Yep. And you always question my acting abilities.” Sonny grinned, dimples in their full glory. “I told ya I’m great when I’m undercover.”

“Fuck you both.” He glared at them, dropping into his chair.

“Ah, Raf, don’t be mad.” Sonny walked over, placing his palms on Rafael’s desk. “It was just a little fun.”

“Flash those eyes and dimples all you want. It’s not going to work.” He made a show of opening a file and beginning to read its contents.

“It’s really like that?” Sonny asked and Rafael ignored him.

“Ah, he’ll get over it. This is nothing. He quit talking to me for a month after I-”

“I swear to God, if the two of you don’t get out of my office this second I’m going to call security.” Rafael still didn’t look up from his file, but his tone told them he meant it.

“Drive me back to the office and I’ll tell you all about it.” Rita promised Sonny.

“Sure, just give me a sec?”

Rita nodded, understanding, and walked out of the office to chat with Carmen, who had returned.

When the door closed behind her, Sonny walked around the desk, turning Rafael’s chair to face him and putting his hands on the armrests. “Are you really mad at me?”

“Yes.” Rafael said grumpily, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Really?” Sonny nuzzled his neck, placing a few kisses on his jaw. “Are you sure?” He nipped at his earlobe.

“Yes.” He said again, but with less conviction this time.

“Well, if there’s no changing your mind…” Sonny sighed, moving his hands from the arms of the chair to run them up Rafael’s thighs.

“Nope.” Rafael said, even as his breath hitched.

“Guess I won’t try then.” Sonny dipped his head again, this time capturing Rafael’s mouth, teasing with his tongue until Rafael parted his lips, allowing him entry. Rafael could feel the victory smirk against his lips.

“Okay, okay.” Rafael pushed him gently. “You’ve proven your point. Now go drive your BFF back to work.”

Sonny laughed, placing another quick peck on his lips before standing upright. “Please don’t ever say BFF again. It sounds so weird coming from you.”

“Why do I put up with you again?”

“Because you love me?” Sonny grinned. And God help him it was true.

“Maybe.” Rafael swatted at his backside. “Now, get out.”

“Fine.” Sonny made his way to the door, but Rafael’s voice stopped him.

“And, Sonny?”

“Yeah?” He spun around.

“Please remind my dear friend Rita that I still have photos from Halloween of ‘93 and I will bring them out if necessary.”

Sonny laughed, tossing him a wink before going through the door. “Hey Rita, you gotta tell me about Halloween of ‘93!”

Rafael smiled smugly as the door closed behind Sonny. Rita should know by now not to mess with him, he’d always win.


	15. Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny bit back a smile as he looked over at Rafael. His hair was plastered to his forehead, the fabric of his polo - because of course he’d worn a polo to go hiking - stuck to his chest, and his face bore the textbook definition of a scowl. He looked absolutely adorable.
> 
> “What?” Rafael snapped, shoving his hair off of his forehead and squinting as rain ran into his eyes.
> 
> Sonny chuckled. “You just look so cute standing there soaking wet.” He wrapped his arms around Rafael’s waist, kissing him gently, tasting the raindrops on his lips. “I know this isn’t ideal, but it’s kind of romantic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the fluffy caught in the rain fic I owed ahumanfemale since I turned her prompt into a pile of angst.

Sonny stopped at a small crest in the trail, hands on his hips, taking a deep breath of fresh air. “Isn’t it so great to get out of the city every once in awhile? Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but-” He turned around to see that Rafael was still a few yards behind him, walking slowly. “You okay, Raf?” **  
**

“Yeah, fine.” Rafael did his best not to sound as out of breath as he actually was, questioning again how he’d ended up in this godforsaken place, but he knew. The reason was standing just ahead of him, in a pair of dark pants and a zip up hoodie, wheat colored hair blowing in the breeze.

They were still in that early stage of their relationship where they were pretending to be interested in the things the other person cared about, so Sonny was listening to opera, and Rafael was here, in the middle of the woods,  _hiking_. He swore if the sex wasn’t so good he’d leave right now.

He finally caught up to Sonny just as thunder rumbled in the distance. Sonny frowned, bringing his Apple watch up to his face tapping at the screen. “That’s funny, I didn’t get a weather alert.”

“You probably don’t have service.” Rafael offered before mumbling, “Because we’re in the middle of nowhere.”

“What was that?” Sonny asked, still tapping at his watch screen like finding a weather forecast would stop the storm from rolling in.

“Nothing.”

A clap of thunder sounded again, closer this time as the sky above them grew darker. They could hear the rain falling farther out in the forest, working its way toward them.

“It’s probably about ten minutes or so back to the cabin if we book it. You up for it?”

Rafael managed to hold back his scoff. “Book it? Only one of us spends their time chasing down criminals, and it certainly isn’t me.” No, there was no way he was sprinting through the woods. He was going to die out here and he just needed to come to terms with it.

“I think it’s too late anyway.” Sonny looked around for a place to take cover. “Come on.” He grabbed Rafael’s hand, pulling him under the overhang of a massive evergreen tree just as the rain reached them, light for a second before it became a full on torrential downpour.

The tree was minimal help, only holding off the large drops for a second before they splattered on their heads. It wasn’t long before they were both soaked to the bone.

Sonny bit back a smile as he looked over at Rafael. His hair was plastered to his forehead, the fabric of his polo - because of course he’d worn a polo to go hiking - stuck to his chest, and his face bore the textbook definition of a scowl. He looked absolutely  _adorable_.

“What?” Rafael snapped, shoving his hair off of his forehead and squinting as rain ran into his eyes.

Sonny chuckled. “You just look so cute standing there soaking wet.” He wrapped his arms around Rafael’s waist, kissing him gently, tasting the raindrops on his lips. “I know this isn’t ideal, but it’s kind of romantic.”

If Rafael wasn’t miserable he might have agreed. He might have noticed how water dripped from Sonny’s hair and ran paths down his cheek and neck. He might have appreciated the way the thin material of Sonny’s t-shirt under his hoodie clung to his toned chest and abs. But he  _was_  miserable and all he noticed was the water that filled his shoes and the cold stream that ran down between his shoulder blades.

“Romantic? No, this is not romantic. Do you know what’s romantic? Staying indoors, lighting a fire, sharing a bottle of wine. Not traipsing about in the freaking woods in the middle of a thunderstorm. Well, no one should be in the woods ever, but especially in the rain. Do you know why houses exist? So people don’t have to be outside!”

Sonny laughed, dropping his forehead to Rafael’s shoulder for a second, before looking back up at him. “Finally!”

Rafael’s anger dissolved into confusion. “What?”

The rain finally won out over his product and Sonny’s hair fell out of its wave, flopping over his forehead. He didn’t bother to push it back. “I was wondering how long you would keep up the act. I knew I should have skipped the craft beer tasting and went straight for outdoor activities.”  

“Wait, you were trying to get me to complain?” Droplets clung to Rafael’s eyelashes as he looked up at Sonny, brow furrowed.

“Yes, but only because ever since we started dating you’ve been so agreeable. It’s weird.”

“I was only trying to be a good boyfriend.” He’d messed up so many relationships before. He was too picky, too stubborn, his standards too high. He hadn’t wanted that to happen this time. Sonny meant too much to him.

“I know and I appreciate that, but you shouldn’t try to be someone you’re not. The arrogant, opinionated, somewhat grumpy Rafael is who I fell in love with and that’s who I want you to be.” Sonny tilted his head, bringing a hand to Rafael’s cheek, wiping away a raindrop with his thumb. “I don’t want you to think that you can’t be yourself with me. I should be the one person in the world that you don’t have to keep anything from.”

“Well that I can certainly-” He paused. “Fell in love with?”

Sonny’s eyes widened at the realization of what he’d said, but then he decided to embrace it. “That shouldn’t be a surprise. Someone as observant as you are had to have noticed the way I’ve looked at you practically since the day we met.” 

“Yeah, but I just figured that was because you wanted to get in my pants.” Rafael smirked, deflecting with humor as he always did when things got too emotional.

Sonny chuckled. “Well, yes, but it wasn’t just that. I love you, Rafi.” He ran his thumb over Rafael’s cheek again and even without the words Rafael would have been able to see it in his eyes.  It was like everything disappeared, the rain, the trees, the chill in the air, it was all gone and there was only Sonny.

He closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into Sonny’s touch, before looking back up at him, his heart full. It was early yet, they hadn’t even reached the point where Rafael usually started panicking and bailed, but suddenly he was certain. “I love you, too.”

Sonny beamed, his smile an actual ray of sunshine in the middle of a thunderstorm. He hadn’t expected it, not for a long time, if ever, and the knowledge that not only did Rafael love him, but loved him enough to say it out loud, had emotion overtaking him.

He knew that if he didn’t kiss Rafael right that second he would burst, so he did just that, pushing his back against the tree, devouring Rafael’s lips like his life depended on it. Rafael clung to Sonny’s shirt, enjoying the scrape of the tree trunk against his back as Sonny pressed up against him and licked into his mouth.

The worst of the storm finally passed, the heavy downpour reduced to a light drizzle, but neither of them noticed, too lost in one another.

Sonny ran his hands down Rafael’s torso, slipping them under the hem of his shirt, rubbing thumbs over his hip bones before dipping them into the waistband of his pants. When he popped the button and started to tug them down, Rafael clasped a hand around his wrist.

“Wait, Sonny. What are you doing?” His chest heaved as his lungs worked overtime to reinflate.

“Come on, Rafi. I want to taste you. I  _need_  to taste you.” Sonny rasped, still trying to pull at his pants.

Rafael’s eyes widened, wanting nothing more than to have Sonny on his knees in front of him, but as much as Sonny made him step outside of his comfort zone this was too far. “We can’t. Families hike this trail. Do you want to find out what it’s like on the other side of the prison bars?”

Sonny smirked. “There’s no one out in this weather.”

“No one, but us.” Rafael grumbled. “The rain’s let up. Let’s just go back to the cabin, take off these wet clothes, climb in the shower…”

Sonny was shaking his head before he’d even finished. “I can’t wait.” He pressed Rafael back against the tree, grinding his hips into the other man’s. “I need you now.” He could feel the outline of Rafael pressing against the fabric between them, rock hard and straining, but there was still hesitation in his eyes.

Sonny looked around. “Come on.” He took Rafael’s hand, pulling him farther off the path and deeper into woods where they couldn’t be seen if anyone happened to pass by on the trail. He stopped when he found a tree large enough that it would obscure them. “Here.”

“I swear to God, Sonny, if I get poison ivy on my dick.” Rafael protested, even as he leaned against the tree, a shiver running through him as Sonny freed him, the cool air hitting his sensitive skin.

Sonny huffed a laugh as he dropped down to his knees. “You won’t, but even if you did, you know it’d be worth it.”

He was a cocky little shit when he was on his knees, but damn if he wasn’t right. And that was his last coherent thought before Sonny’s mouth was around him.


	16. Confection Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael Barba was completely, stupidly, one hundred percent in love with Sonny Carisi. He hadn’t told him yet, of course, but honestly, why else would he be here up to his elbows in frosting and sprinkles if he wasn’t?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was almost the final scene of Since We've No Place To Go, but I couldn't make it work how I wanted. I thought it was cute though and decided to make a fluffy drabble out of it. Hope you enjoy!

Rafael Barba was completely, stupidly, one hundred percent in love with Sonny Carisi. He hadn’t told him yet, of course, but honestly, why else would he be here up to his elbows in frosting and sprinkles if he wasn’t?

Court had let out early for once and he’d actually had a free evening to spend with his boyfriend, but when he’d asked Sonny if he wanted to get dinner the detective had ducked his head, mumbling something about Christmas cookies.

“For my parents’ Christmas party,” Sonny explained when Rafael had pressed further. “Ma makes me do them every year because I’m the best at it.” He’d asked if Rafael wanted to help and, again because he was foolishly in love, he said yes.

And he was regretting it if only because Sonny’s talent for decorating far outweighed his own and his messy wreaths and bulbs were pitiful next to Sonny’s Santas and Christmas trees that looked like something you could get in a bakery. Rafael could now see why Mrs. Carisi delegated this particular task to her son and it made him happy to learn of yet another one of Sonny’s many talents.

Tongue between his teeth in concentration, Rafael was methodically piping a border around a star cookie in hopes of making it something that wouldn’t bring shame to the entire Carisi family at their party when Sonny nudged him with an elbow.

“Look at this,” he said proudly, holding up a snowman cookie that he’d given a scowl and a tie. “It’s you!”

Rafael thought maybe he should be offended, but damned if the snowman didn’t look just like him. So instead of the grumbling that Sonny had expected, Rafael laughed, leaning over to kiss Sonny with smiling lips. “It’s perfect.”

Sonny grinned, dimples creasing his cheeks, as he sat the cookie to the side. That one was special and wouldn’t be going to his parent’s house.

Rafael watched as Sonny went to work on his next cookie, the very picture of focus and concentration. An idea occurred to him and his heart raced at the thought. Before he could change his mind he picked up his icing again and went back to work on his star. When he finished he gave it a once over. His handwriting wasn’t ideal on a normal day and it was even worse when using icing, but it was legible.

Taking a deep breath, he copied Sonny’s move and nudged him with his elbow, but instead of saying anything he just slid the cookie in Sonny’s direction. His heart thumped in his chest and he felt his palms grow sweaty as Sonny finished the outline of a Santa hat before turning to look at Rafael’s cookie.

The Santa dropped to the table, cracking in the middle as it hit the surface but Sonny didn’t care. He looked back and forth between Rafael and the star cookie. Written across it in squiggly red icing were the words:  **I Love You**

“Really?” He finally asked. Rafael nodded, a shy smile on his face, and Sonny beamed. “I love you, too, Raf. So much.”

Rafael sighed with relief and Sonny couldn’t believe he’d actually been worried that Sonny didn’t love him back. How could he not know? He thought he’d been pretty obvious about it.

He gently wrapped a hand around the back of Rafael’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss before resting their foreheads together. “Now I have to keep that cookie forever.”

Rafael rolled his eyes, but didn’t pull away. “That’s disgusting. Just take a picture of it.”

Sonny chuckled. “Yeah, that’s probably better,” he said before his expression turned serious. “So, because I love you I have to be honest with you about something.”

Now Rafael did sit back, worry evident on his face. “What?”

“There is absolutely no way my mother will let those abominations in her house.” Sonny pointed to the few cookies that Rafael had decorated.

Rafael huffed out a laugh. “That’s fair. How about I order food and pour some wine while you do the rest?” he asked, knowing where his true talents lie, and more than a little relieved not to have to do anymore decorating.

“Perfect.” Sonny smiled, leaning in for another kiss. “I love you.”

There was no hesitation, the words Rafael had been so afraid to say before were now perfectly at home on his lips. “I love you, too.”


	17. Professor Barba

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny’s hand froze on his laptop at the sound of the familiar voice, his gaze slowly working its way up to the front of the classroom. Standing there, looking as handsome and smug as ever, was Rafael Barba. Sonny’s jaw dropped before he could stop it. “Um, I’m sorry, I was at work and—”
> 
> “We all have lives outside of the classroom, and yet, everyone else managed to get here on time.” Rafael’s hands rested on the top of the podium as he fixed Sonny with a withering stare. “What’s your name?”
> 
> Sonny fought an eye roll even as he felt his cheeks warm, knowing that all of his classmates were looking at him. “Sonny...Carisi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for an anon tumblr prompt: Barba teaches a class at Fordham that Sonny has to take.

Sonny grumbled curses as he sprinted up W. 62nd Street, finally reaching the Louis Stein Center for Law & Ethics and flinging open the glass doors. The messenger bag slung across his shoulder caught on the door frame and he continued to curse as he pulled it free. 

This was unfortunately becoming routine. Olivia had been more than flexible, allowing him to attend his classes, but lately the pile of cases on their desks mixed with their lack of manpower made it nearly impossible to get out of the precinct on time.

He made it to the classroom just two minutes after the hour, sliding into an empty seat on the end of the second row, sweat on his brow and chest heaving as he dug in his bag for his laptop.

“Glad you could join us.”

Sonny’s hand froze on his laptop at the sound of the familiar voice, his gaze slowly working its way up to the front of the classroom. Standing there, looking as handsome and smug as ever, was Rafael Barba. Sonny’s jaw dropped before he could stop it. “Um, I’m sorry, I was at work and—”

“We all have lives outside of the classroom, and yet, everyone else managed to get here on time.” Rafael’s hands rested on the top of the podium as he fixed Sonny with a withering stare. “What’s your name?”

Sonny fought an eye roll even as he felt his cheeks warm, knowing that all of his classmates were looking at him. “Sonny...Carisi.”

“Well, Mr. Carisi, hopefully your skills as a law student surpass your ability to read a clock.” At that Rafael turned back to the classroom. “As I was saying, I’m ADA Rafael Barba. Professor Capra suffered a fall over the weekend and has to have surgery on his knee. I’ll be filling in until his return.

“Now, it is my understanding that you were to read pages 111 through 133 in  _ Evidence Under the Rules _ and be prepared to discuss hearsay…”

It was difficult for Sonny to concentrate on the material, not because Rafael was a poor teacher, it was in fact because of the opposite. He was smart and engaging and even charming. All things that Sonny knew about him, but that he was somewhat surprised to see in the classroom. He’d been expecting a stern lecturer, especially given the way he’d treated Sonny at the beginning of class.

He hadn’t looked at Sonny since, not even the few times Sonny had been paying enough attention to raise his hand in response to Rafael’s questions. He hadn’t been expecting Barba to show him any special treatment, but he thought he would at least acknowledge him.

“So, explain to me why, even though it is at times admissible, hearsay is often excluded?” Rafael asked the room and Sonny shot his hand in the air. This time Barba’s gaze flickered in his direction and Sonny felt himself sit up straighter, but Rafael moved on, calling on a student toward the back.

“Absence of cross examination, absence of demeanor evidence, and the out-of-court declarant was not under oath, so they didn’t necessarily have a moral or legal obligation to tell the truth,” the student answered confidently and Sonny frowned, disappointed that he wouldn’t get the chance to show him up.

“Exactly,” Rafael cracked half a grin. “The court prefers to be lied to in person.”

The class laughed lightly at the joke and Sonny’s frown deepened.

“Let’s move on to  _ US v. Check _ , which provides us with an example of triple hearsay. Who can tell me all three categories?”

Again Sonny raised his hand and again Barba chose another student to answer. This continued until the end of the class, Sonny’s mood growing more sour with each rebuff.

“That’s all we have time for today. I’ll be using Professor Capra’s office and will be available for an hour after each class if you have any additional questions about the material,” Rafael wrapped things up and everyone began gathering up their things.

Sonny took his time putting his laptop away and zipping up his messenger bag. Finally, when most of his classmates were gone, Sonny slung his bag over his shoulder and casually made his way to the front of the room. “Professor Barba—”

“I’m not a professor, Mr. Carisi.” Rafael snapped the latches closed on his briefcase. “But if you have questions, let’s go to my office. There is another lecture in this classroom in a few minutes.”

Sonny just nodded and followed Rafael from the classroom. They walked in silence through the corridors, past other classrooms and lecture halls until they reached the wing that held the professors’ offices.

“What the hell, Raf?” Sonny asked the second the office door closed behind them.

“What?” Rafael played dumb as he dropped his briefcase on the desk, and now Sonny did roll his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be teaching my class?”

Rafael shrugged. “Dan just called me last night and asked if I’d do it. Plus I thought it would be fun to see the look on your face, and it definitely was.” He chuckled lightly and Sonny scowled at him.

“Fine, you had your fun, but you could have at least called on me,” Sonny complained. “I was up until one in the morning last night reading that material.”

Rafael put his hands on Sonny’s hips, pulling him close. “I didn’t want it to seem like I was giving you preferential treatment, but maybe I went too far the other way.” He rose up on his toes, kissing Sonny’s lips softly.

That equaled an ‘I’m sorry,’ in Rafael Barba’s world and Sonny felt his anger fading. It completely dissipated when Rafael kissed both of his cheeks and then his nose, causing a smile to spread across Sonny’s face. “Forgive me?”

Sonny sighed dramatically. “I suppose, but you owe me.”

“I have to stay for an hour, but how about I meet you at my place later and I’ll show you some preferential treatment?” Rafael kissed him again, deeper this time, before nipping at his bottom lip.

“Sounds perfect,” Sonny grinned. “But can I call you professor?”


	18. A Night at the Theater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael loathed Times Square. It was like a freezing cold, urine soaked Disney World and he avoided it at all costs. At least he had, until his stupid heart had decided that it was in love with Sonny Carisi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we're halfway through January, but I realized I forgot to put my SVU Secret Santa tumblr fic here. So enjoy a little late Christmas cheer.

Rafael loathed Times Square. It was like a freezing cold, urine soaked Disney World and he avoided it at all costs. At least he had, until his stupid heart had decided that it was in love with Sonny Carisi. **  
**

It made him do dumb things like travel to Times Square on a Friday night a week before Christmas. He’d argued against it, but a celebrity chef had just opened a restaurant that Sonny was dying to try and when Sonny turned those pleading blue eyes on him Rafael was powerless.

So here he was, fighting his way through the masses, the cold air biting at his cheeks and ears, growing more surly by the minute. He’d begged Sonny to choose another time for them to try the restaurant, perhaps at 3pm on a Tuesday in January, but a friend of a friend had managed to snag them a coveted Friday night reservation.

“It’s too good of an opportunity to pass up!” Sonny had insisted.

By the time he was accosted by a filthy looking Elmo he’d decided that he was breaking up with Sonny. Sex, no matter how mind blowing, was not worth all of this.

But when he finally reached the restaurant, spotting Sonny standing out front wearing a long wool coat with the collar turned up against the wind and his hair perfectly in place, he knew he’d go to dinner in Times Square every night if Sonny asked him to.

“Hey,” Sonny smiled brightly.

“This better be the best meal we’ve ever eaten,” he responded grumpily.

“Well, actually,” Sonny placed a quick peck on his lips. “We aren’t going to dinner.”

“What?” Rafael’s eyes narrowed. “Sonny, I came all the way down to godforsaken Times Square so you could eat at this restaurant, I had coffee for lunch, so wh—“

Sonny took him gently by the shoulders and turned him to face the brightly lit theater across the street. “I thought we could go there instead.”

Rafael looked at the marquee and then at Sonny. “Are you serious?”

Sonny nodded, a grin on his face and his dimples in full bloom. “Merry Christmas.”

“But how? It’s impossible. I’ve been trying to get tickets for weeks.”

“I know.” Sonny had never been a fan of musicals, but Rafael had been playing the soundtrack to Broadway’s latest hit non stop for weeks, complaining that no matter how hard he tried or who he contacted he wasn’t able to get tickets to see it. He’d even toyed with the idea of asking the DA to use his connections, but he didn’t want to be that guy.

“You remember that case we caught a few weeks back? The flasher in the park?”

Rafael nodded, vaguely remembering. It was small time and had gone to one of the newer ADA’s.

“Well, the Dad of the victim is actually one of the producers and he wanted to show his gratitude. I paid for the tickets,” Sonny explained quickly when Rafael opened his mouth to interrupt. “So there’s no impropriety.”

Rafael shook his head in disbelief, kissing Sonny with smiling lips. “I can’t believe you did this. Thank you.”

Sonny shrugged. “I knew it was important to you.” He let go of Rafael’s hand to check his watch. “I know you were expecting dinner. We have time to grab a hot dog before curtain.”

“How romantic,” Rafael rolled his eyes, but the smile never left his face.

* * *

The smile was still firmly in place, if anything it was even bigger, two and a half hours later when he and Sonny walked out of the theater. “That was incredible,” Rafael praised, buttoning up his coat. “Wasn’t it incredible?”

Sonny had to admit that it was pretty good, even if he still didn’t understand why the characters had to break out into song every thirty seconds.

Wrapping his scarf around his neck, Rafael raised himself up on his toes and placed a loving kiss on Sonny’s lips. “Thank you for tonight.”

“Well, it’s not over,” Sonny said with a grin, taking his hand and pulling him toward the crowd of people waiting behind a barricade, hoping to snag autographs and photos with the show’s stars.

“Oh, no, we don’t have to—” Rafael protested gently, never really the stage door type. Sonny ignored him, going around the barricade and walking right up to the stage door, knocking on it loudly. “Sonny, what are—”

Rafael didn’t get a chance to finish his question because an older man in a black suit swung open the door.

“Dominick Carisi,” Sonny said confidently, handing the man his ID.

“Sonny,” Rafael whispered as the man checked the clipboard in his hands.

“Welcome, Mr. Carisi.” The man stepped aside, allowing Sonny and Rafael to walk by. “Mr. Gilbert is waiting for you, third door on the right.”

“Thank you,” Sonny said with grateful smile, tucking his ID back into his wallet, making his way down the hallway. He turned when he realized Rafael wasn’t next to him, finding him standing a few feet back. “Hey, what are you doing?”

“We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Sonny walked back to him.

“You didn’t pay for this, this is a perk. You could get in trouble.” Rafael answered, but it seemed like a flimsy excuse.

“It’s fine, I’m not going to get in any trouble.” Sonny took his hand, swinging it between them. “Are you nervous? We don’t have to go back. I just thought you’d be excited to meet the cast, see the stage…”

Rafael took a deep breath, the thought of meeting some of his Broadway heroes was a bit overwhelming, but the look on Sonny’s face, like he’d done something wrong, made him square his shoulders. “No, it’s great. Let’s go.”

Sonny beamed and took his hand, pulling him down the hallway.

He’d never seen Rafael so flustered and awestruck. He was always so steady and stoic, it was nice to see him find wonder in something. Sonny hung back, acting as photographer or jumping in when it seemed words had escaped Rafael for a moment, letting Rafael enjoy meeting some of his favorite actors.

“If you actually had social media, this would definitely be profile pic material,” Sonny said later, flipping through the photos on his phone as they walked hand in hand down the sidewalk. He held out the phone to show Rafael, in the picture he was in the middle of the stage, the stars of the show on either side of him, Rafael smiling brightly.

It seriously had Rafael considering starting a Facebook page, but even one of the best nights of his life couldn’t make that happen. “Tonight was above and beyond, Sonny,” he said, squeezing Sonny’s hand. “Honestly, thank you.”

Sonny shrugged, pulling Rafael to him for a sweet kiss. “It was the least I could do. You make me so happy, Rafi. I wanted to make you happy, too.”

“You do. Every day.” Rafael kissed him again, deeper this time, not caring that they were in the middle of the sidewalk. “And when we get home I’ll show you how much.”

A grin spread across Sonny’s face. “You know, I think I’m starting to become a really big Broadway fan.”


	19. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is it okay if I join you?” He asked tentatively. Sonny hadn’t peeked around the curtain, smiling mischievously the way he usually did when Rafael came into the bathroom while he was showering and that made him think that maybe Sonny just wanted solitude.
> 
> “Please.” The weight of the word hadn’t even landed before Rafael was peeling off his clothes, making quick work of buttons, suspenders, slacks, and socks. Finally, stripped down he pulled back the edge of the curtain and stepped into the tub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: Sonny has been away undercover, but comes home early and Rafael finds him in the shower.

Rafael trudged from the elevator to his apartment door, melting snow dripping from his oxfords as he fished in his pocket for his keys. It was late and he was tired, which was typical, but with Sonny gone undercover these last few weeks he’d been getting home even later than usual. It was easier to stay in the office, working until his hand cramped and his eyes threatened to close, than to come home to an empty apartment.

He’d use to look forward to just that, enjoying the solitude after a day dealing with their city’s worst criminals and an abundance of incompetent defense attorneys. But then Sonny had filled his apartment, not just with things, even though there were plenty of those too—the collective works of Walter Briggs now sat on his bookshelf alongside Vonnegut and there was some sort of video game system Rafael would never understand how to work installed neatly underneath Rafael’s large flat screen—but with the smell of homemade pasta sauce and laughter and warmth. He hadn’t realized how used to it he’d gotten until it was gone.

As he turned the key in the lock and stepped over the threshold to find that the lights were on he froze a moment. For just a split second his heart stopped in his chest as memories of death threats resurfaced, but it didn’t take long for him to notice the beat up sneakers kicked off near the door and the ratty hoodie hanging over the back of a kitchen chair. Sonny.

Dropping his briefcase he quickly discarded his shoes and coat, not even bothering to hang it up, just tossing it over Sonny’s hoodie as he made his way into the apartment. “Sonny?”

He heard the shower running in the bathroom and paused outside of the door. Of course Sonny would want to wash away the grime of where he’d been. If only getting rid of the things he’d seen would be as easy.

Rafael knocked lightly on the door before pushing it open. “Sonny?” He stepped inside closing the door behind him to keep the warmth in. Not that it seemed to be a problem. Sonny always took ridiculously hot showers, but the room was sweltering with steam and humidity, the large mirror fogged over.

“Raf.” It was barely loud enough to be heard over the sound of the running water, but the emotion in it nearly had Rafael’s knees buckling. Twenty-seven days. That’s how long it had been since he’d heard his name on Sonny’s lips and the sound of it now was like a symphony.

“Is it okay if I join you?” He asked tentatively. Sonny hadn’t peeked around the curtain, smiling mischievously the way he usually did when Rafael came into the bathroom while he was showering and that made him think that maybe Sonny just wanted solitude.

“Please.” The weight of the word hadn’t even landed before Rafael was peeling off his clothes, making quick work of buttons, suspenders, slacks, and socks. Finally, stripped down he pulled back the edge of the curtain and stepped into the tub.

His breath caught at the sight of Sonny, leaner now than he had been when he’d left, skinny arms raised, massaging shampoo into his hair, water running rivulets over his shoulders and down his torso. He was so enthralled by the sight of him that he didn’t even make his normal biting comments about summoning the water from the depths of hell.

“I missed you,” Rafael breathed instead, stepping closer to place his hands on water slick hips, but not able to leave them there, running them instead over the skin of his back and belly, like he was making sure Sonny was real.

“I missed you, too.” Sonny smiled, but it was an exhausted one, not his normal open, dimpled smile. His sudsy hands moved from his own hair to Rafael’s shoulders, sliding over to grip his neck. “So much.” The words were ghosted over Rafael’s lips before Sonny’s mouth landed there. Of all the kisses they’d shared this was a first, nearly four weeks of longing wrapped up in a single meeting of lips, and it made Rafael’s heart swell with love and nearly broke it at the same time.

When Rafael pulled away, he looked up into tired blue eyes, the shadows under them nearly purple. “Here, let me,” he said quietly, reaching up to continue to work the shampoo into Sonny’s hair, the strands longer now than they had been the last time he’d done this.

Sonny’s hands rested on Rafael’s hips, his thumbs absentmindedly rubbing light circles as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to be taken care of.

“Lean back,” Rafael instructed and Sonny dropped his head back under the spray. “Are you okay?” he asked carefully, working the suds from Sonny’s hair.

“I’m—It was—” Sonny’s eyes opened briefly, but he squeezed them back shut. Rafael wasn’t sure if it was due to the water or because he didn’t want to look at him. He knew he’d learn all there was to Sonny’s time undercover eventually. He’d read it in the reports, go over it dozens of times in preparing Sonny for the stand, but it wasn’t the same as giving him a chance, here in the privacy of their home, to talk about how he felt about it.

“Can we talk about it later?” Sonny finally asked, tipping his head forward so it was no longer under the spray, and opening his eyes. “I just want to be here with you.”

Rafael leaned up, pressing his lips to Sonny’s in silent agreement. It was all he wanted too. He felt Sonny’s hands grip his biceps, holding him steady as he licked into his mouth, soft and sweet, more out of a need to get closer than any desire to escalate things. They stayed that way, enjoying the long-missed taste of the other’s lips, no urgency in sight, not even noticing when the water began to run cold.


	20. Undiscovered Country

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What the hell did you do?” Sonny barged in the second he had the door open. He still had his badge clipped to the front of his black peacoat and for a second Rafael wondered if he was there in an official capacity, there to arrest him in a cruel twist of irony.
> 
> “What I had to,” Rafael answered simply, and swayed in place just a bit. It was then he realized that he was still a bit drunk. Good. That would help.
> 
> “What you had t—” Sonny shook his head in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? Rafael, you…you…” He couldn’t even say the words, couldn’t verbalize the fact that the man he respected and admired, the man he loved, had killed someone. A child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in response to the dumpster fire that was Barba's last episode. I wasn't planning on writing something, but this scene nagged at me the whole day after so I decided to write it down.

Someone was pounding on his door. It took a moment for that to register. His eyes slid slowly open, the weight of his empty tumbler resting on his chest, his fingers still loosely wrapped around it. He didn’t move, instead remaining on his back on the couch, hoping whoever it was would go away. **  
**

They didn’t.

The pounding continued. “Rafael, I know you’re in there!”

He let out a noise somewhere between a groan and a sigh. He’d known this moment was coming, but he didn’t want to deal with it. Not yet. But he didn’t really have a choice. Sonny was persistent. He really wouldn’t leave until Rafael opened the door. He hauled himself off of the couch, dropping the glass to the coffee table as he did so, before making his way in socked feet over to the door.

“What the hell did you do?” Sonny barged in the second he had the door open. He still had his badge clipped to the front of his black peacoat and for a second Rafael wondered if he was there in an official capacity, there to arrest him in a cruel twist of irony.

“What I had to,” Rafael answered simply, and swayed in place just a bit. It was then he realized that he was still a bit drunk. Good. That would help.

“What you had t—” Sonny shook his head in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? Rafael, you…you…” He couldn’t even say the words, couldn’t verbalize the fact that the man he respected and admired, the man he loved, had killed someone. A child.

“Look, I made a choice.”

“It wasn’t your choice to make!” Sonny couldn’t understand how he didn’t see that.

“And who’s was it?” Rafael sneared. “God’s?”

“Yes!” Sonny exclaimed and Rafael scoffed. “Or at the very least the boy’s parents. Not some man who’d barely laid eyes on him. You didn’t know him, Raf. You didn’t love him and spend nights by his side, anguished at the thought of his suffering. You had no right.”

“It’s what they wanted. What they needed. All of them.” It’s what he’d been telling himself over and over since the night before. It was the only thing that kept him from dissolving into insanity.

“Was it?”

“You weren’t there! The way she pleaded for him to die, to no longer be in pain.” Rafael paused,  Maggie’s anguished voice ringing in his ears. His shoulders slumped and he sighed, “You weren’t there.”

“You should have come to me.”

“Why? So you could preach to me? Tell me all about God’s plan?”

Sonny frowned, but otherwise ignored the jab. “No, so we could’ve talked about it. Figured out a legal way to handle this, to help Mrs. Householder if that’s what she really wanted.”

“It is what she wanted.”

“Then why were you the one that turned off the machine? Tell me that, if that’s what she wanted, why didn’t she do it herself? Why did it have to be you? Why did you have to destroy everything?” Sonny pleaded.

“So this is about you then?” Rafael chose to grab onto that one aspect of the ‘everything’ to which Sonny referred.  “And me letting you down? That’s pretty selfish, Detective.”

“That’s pretty damn ironic coming out of your mouth right now,” Sonny fired back, his tone sharp.

“I just blew up my entire life. No matter the outcome of this I’ve destroyed everything I’ve ever worked for all to help out a family who needed it. How is that selfish?”

“Because you did what you wanted in order to make yourself feel better. You weren’t thinking about anyone but yourself and you’re lying if you say you were.”

“You think I feel better? You think this makes me feel good? Nothing about this is good. Nothing.”

God, wasn’t that the truth, Sonny thought, running a hand through his hair. “I just, I don’t know how I’m going to look at you everyday and not think about this. How do I do that, Raf?”

Rafael shrugged. “Maybe you don’t.”

Sonny’s head whipped up, finding Rafael’s expression resolute. His first instinct was to fight him on it. He’d spent so much time longing for Rafael Barba and even longer loving him, that the thought of losing him was a noose around his neck. But the truth was he’d already lost him. The man he’d loved and admired, the man who stood as a pillar of justice and integrity was long gone, destroyed with quite literally the flip of a switch.

Sonny would always care for him, but it wouldn’t be the same. Not after this.  

“I love you,” he said, finally, “but—”

“It’s not enough,” Rafael finished for him.

It hurt worse, perhaps, to hear it out loud than it did to feel it. “No, it’s not. Not this time.”

It made a twisted bit of sense, Rafael thought, that he should lose everything all at once. It was cleaner that way.  

It was better for Sonny too. He wouldn’t have to struggle to support him through a trial, and he would, despite every part of who he was wanting to do anything but. He could walk away from this, his convictions and beliefs intact, his only regret putting his faith in a man who had never deserved it.

“I—” Sonny lifted his hand, almost as if to place it to Rafael’s cheek one last time, but then he dropped it to his side. “I guess I’ll go then.”

Again Rafael simply nodded. Sonny stared at him a moment, long and hard, and then walked out of Rafael’s life for good.


	21. Car Ride to Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael watched from the passenger seat as Sonny kept a firm grip on the steering wheel, humming along quietly to the radio. Normally he found it sexy when Sonny drove. It was a skill that Rafael had never quite mastered, though he’d tried a few times over the years, so he admired the way Sonny smoothly maneuvered the car through traffic, his long fingers wrapped around the leather. Yes, normally it was quite the turn on, but not today. Today Sonny was driving them straight into hell.
> 
> “Please.” Rafael found that he was beyond pride at this point and if begging was what it would take, begging was what he would do. “Don’t make me do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barisi - “Please don’t make me do this” prompt from an anon on Tumblr. 
> 
> I went fluffy for once. :)

Rafael watched from the passenger seat as Sonny kept a firm grip on the steering wheel, humming along quietly to the radio. Normally he found it sexy when Sonny drove. It was a skill that Rafael had never quite mastered, though he’d tried a few times over the years, so he admired the way Sonny smoothly maneuvered the car through traffic, his long fingers wrapped around the leather. Yes, normally it was quite the turn on, but not today. Today Sonny was driving them straight into hell. **  
**

“Please.” Rafael found that he was beyond pride at this point and if begging was what it would take, begging was what he would do. “Don’t make me do this.”

Sonny rolled his eyes, glancing to his blind spot before switching lanes to go around a slow moving sedan. “You’re being so dramatic.”

“No, I’m not,” Rafael insisted petulantly.

“It’s a few hours, we’re in and out, no muss, no fuss.” Sonny waved a hand like it was just that easy. “It might even be fun.”

Rafael couldn’t help the scoff that escaped, but then he dialed it back, deciding to turn on the charm instead. “Come on,” he said, running a finger up Sonny’s toned thigh, the muscle firm under his thin slacks. “Turn the car around and I’ll blow you, right here on the bridge.”

Sonny swallowed hard, his cock twitching at just the thought, but he shook his head. “You trying to get us killed?” He spared a glance at Rafael before turning back to the road. “As much as I love the idea of going out with my dick in your mouth, I’d rather it not be today.”

“Fine,” Rafael huffed, sitting back in his seat and crossing his arms before murmuring, “But I’d rather die in a sex induced car accident…”

“You are not seriously saying that you’d rather perish in a fiery crash than have one dinner with my family.” Sonny looked over at him when he didn’t say anything. “You’re being a bit ridiculous.”

“No, I’m not. Everytime we go over there your entire family picks at me.” He sat forward again, ticking off a finger for each member of Sonny’s family. “Your dad thinks I’m not manly enough because I don’t know how to change a freaking tire, your mom clucks her tongue when she hears that I don’t cook, Gina and Theresa make comments on my clothes and constantly make not so subtle sugar daddy jokes. The only ones who don’t make snide comments are Bella and Tommy and that’s just because they’re smart enough not to be dicks to the man who saved their family.” He sat back triumphantly when he was finished.

Sonny sighed, knowing that every word he’d said was true, but still, “They’re my family, Raf, and they’re important to me, but I’ve talked with them about the way they treat you. I told them that I love you and that you’re everything to me and if they can’t treat you respectfully, we won’t go back.” He caught a red light and took the opportunity to reach over and take Rafael’s hand. “Okay?”

Rafael was surprised. Sonny’s family was a huge part of his life, something that Rafael had known going in (but honestly back when they were just fucking on the couch in his office he never thought he’d have to meet the entire Carisi clan), and the fact that Sonny was willing to cut them out on Rafael’s behalf had his mouth going dry. He’d never ask that of him, of course, but it meant something that’d he’d offered it.

“You really think they’ll ease up?” he asked, wary.

“Yes,” Sonny brought Rafael’s hand to his lips as the light turned green and he put the car in motion again. “So, let’s just get through this dinner and then when we get home I’ll let you blow me.”

Sonny looked all too pleased with himself at the notion and Rafael wanted to scowl, but he couldn’t help the huff of laughter that escaped him. “Gee, what an offer. I’m such a lucky guy.” It was said with sarcasm dripping on every word, but Rafael found that it was completely and utterly true.


	22. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny nodded, conceding the point. “Well, it’s fine. We’ll just stay in then. I’ll make us dinner.”
> 
> Rafael felt a bit guilty. Sonny wasn’t supposed to have to put in any effort this year. “You’re okay with that?”
> 
> “Of course.” Sonny nudged him gently with his foot. “As long as I’m with you, that’s all that matters.”
> 
> Rafael rolled his eyes, but betrayed the action with a smile. “You’re such a sap.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barisi- "We could always go to my Aunt's cabin..." prompt from an anon on Tumblr that I turned into Valentine's Day fluff.

“Dammit,” Rafael grumbled at his phone screen, tapping at it angrily. **  
**

“You okay over there?” Sonny looked up from his corner of the couch, putting his index finger between the pages of his novel to keep his place.

“The hotel apparently overbooked and they’ve cancelled our reservation, but they’ve  _oh so graciously_  offered us a free night’s stay any other night of the year, just not,” he squinted at the fine print, “any major holidays, any nights between May and September, or during the dates of any of New York’s major conventions.” Rafael huffed a sigh. “We’ll never get another reservation three days out.”

Rafael had never put much stock in Valentine’s Day. Before Sonny he’d had no need, it was just another day that crowded his bodega with last minute shoppers who cared so much for their loved ones that they stopped on their way home from work for wilted flowers and a crappy card. And after Sonny, well, he showed Sonny that he loved him every day, he didn’t need some holiday to remind him to do so.

But the holiday was important to Sonny, because of course it was, and he’d planned their last two Valentine’s Days. Rafael had supposed it was only fair that he plan this one—a night at the W, room service, a massage, and expensive sheets to run silkily over their skin as they made love—and now it was ruined.

“It’s okay,” Sonny shrugged his shoulders. “We’ll just do something else.”

“Like what?” Rafael’s tone was sharper than he intended. It wasn’t Sonny’s fault their plans had fallen through, so he softened his voice when he continued. “Everything will be booked already.”

“We could always go to my aunt’s cabin,” Sonny offered cheerfully.

“No offense, but going from the W to your aunt’s rickety cabin—”

“I believe the word you’re looking for is rustic,” Sonny interjected with a grin.

“—is quite the downgrade,” Rafael continued. “Besides, it’s a two hour drive and we both have work.” That was why they were staying in the city in the first place. Rafael would have much preferred a nice relaxing trip, laying on the beach for a few days, but neither of their jobs afforded them that luxury.

Sonny nodded, conceding the point. “Well, it’s fine. We’ll just stay in then. I’ll make us dinner.”

Rafael felt a bit guilty. Sonny wasn’t supposed to have to put in any effort this year. “You’re okay with that?”

“Of course.” Sonny nudged him gently with his foot. “As long as I’m with you, that’s all that matters.”

Rafael rolled his eyes, but betrayed the action with a smile. “You’re such a sap.”

* * *

“Raf, I’m so sorry,” Sonny rushed into their apartment just a little after six. “I was in a hurry to get home and completely forgot to go by the store. I know I was supposed to cook, but—” He came to a stop as he took in their kitchen. 

The lights were low and two candles burned in the middle of their small table. Two dishes, each covered with a silver dome, sat on either side. But even more perfect than that, was Rafael, standing at the counter pouring two glasses of wine, looking handsome as ever in charcoal pants and a burgundy sweater.  

“You cooked?” Sonny asked, impressed, and Rafael huffed a small laugh.

“No, but I can order delivery like a champ.” He handed Sonny his glass of wine and placed a kiss on his lips. “But I thought I’d give you the hotel experience even if we’re at home. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“This is great, Raf,” Sonny sat the glass down on the counter so he could wrap both arms around Rafael’s waist before kissing him soundly. “Thank you.”

Rafael shrugged like it was no big deal, but he looked proud of himself. “This is just part one.”

“Oh really?” Sonny raised his eyebrows in surprise. Rafael nodded toward a bag on the counter and Sonny let him go to grab it and rifle through.

“Can’t have a night in a fancy hotel without a massage.” Rafael said matter of factly, moving their wine glasses to the table as Sonny pulled the massage oils from the bag. “I’m not a masseur, but I think I can hold my own.”

“Oh, I know you can,” Sonny practically growled, grabbing at Rafael and pulling him against him once again. “This is all absolutely perfect, but can I make one request?”

“Anything you want,” Rafael told him, looking up into dilated blue eyes.

“Can we have dessert first and work our way backwards from there?”

Rafael’s face fell. “Actually, I forgot dessert. Dessert is the most important Valentine’s Day food, right? I guess I should’ve—”

Sonny cut him off, pressing his lips to Rafael’s in deep, dirty kisses, nibbling on his lip before moving his lips to Rafael’s ear. “ _You’re_  the dessert.”

“Oh.” It started out as acknowledgment and turned into a moan as Sonny ran his tongue along Rafael’s neck. “Then by all means…”

One more quick kiss and then Sonny was blowing out the candles and taking Rafael by the hand, pulling him toward the bedroom.

Maybe, Rafael thought as Sonny pushed him down onto the bed, there was something to this whole Valentine’s Day thing after all.


	23. "You pop that gum one more time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr follower appreciation prompt from the wonderful ships_to_sail: "You pop that gum one more time."

The humming grew louder. It was a song Rafael couldn’t place, probably something poppy from the radio that Sonny had heard on the way into work that morning, but here in this setting it was even more obnoxious than he was sure the real thing was. **  
**

He tried to send a glare across the table, but Carisi was oblivious, bouncing his head from side to side as focused on the paper in front of him.

He looked at Amanda and Liv who sat on either side of him, but they were both engrossed in the transcripts they were reading and didn’t even seem to notice the sound. Maybe they had both grown used to the ambient noise that Carisi continuously provided.

Rafael returned to his own transcript in front of him, trying his best to concentrate. They had two days to comb through the depositions in a civil suit that had been previously brought against their defendant. Two days to find something they could use.

Mercifully, the humming stopped. Only to be followed by a loud snap of gum. And then the humming resumed.

The cycle continued.

Humming.

Snap.

Humming.

Snap.

“I swear to God, Carisi, you pop that gum one more time I’m coming across this table.”

Now, Amanda and Liv looked up, both of them amused, gazes swinging back and forth between them.

A lopsided grin appeared at Sonny’s lips. “I think I could take you.”

Rafael’s eyes narrowed. “You seem to have forgotten my upbringing.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that mouth of yours got your ass kicked a time or two.” Sonny leaned back in his chair, a twinkle in his eye and his smile wide.

Olivia looked at Sonny, her eyebrows raised. “Okay, Carisi, that’s enough. I think we’ve all been stuck in this room for too long. Rafael, we’ll take these back to the precinct and let you know if we find anything.”

“Thank you.” He eyed Carisi, giving him a victorious smirk. Sonny snapped his gum again.

“Alright,” Liv said when she saw the murderous glint in Rafael’s eye. “Let’s go.”

“But I want to see them throw down,” Amanda complained. “My money is on Barba.”

“Hasn’t gambling gotten you into enough trouble?” Sonny asked and Amanda narrowed her eyes at him.

“Keep it up, it’ll be two on one.”

Olivia just sighed and shook her head, gathering the files and herding the two of them out of Barba’s office like children.

Rafael stood, planning to move over to his desk now that he was alone and finally afforded some quiet, but the peace was short-lived. His office door opened and without even looking he knew it was Carisi. “Forget something, Detective?”

“Yeah, actually,” Sonny took his hand, turning him so that he capture Rafael’s lips with his own. “Couldn’t leave without that.”

“Minty,” Rafael commented dryly.

“So you do like the gum,” Sonny grinned.

“When it’s silent.”

“Aw, come on.” Sonny took a step forward so that Rafael was leaning against the table and he was standing between his legs. “You think they know?”

“If they don’t, they will soon if you don’t stop smiling at me like an idiot.” There was no bite to it even though he tried. He still couldn’t get enough of the way Sonny looked at him, even if it was going to blow their cover.

“I can’t help it.” Sonny dipped his head again, this time nibbling at Rafael’s bottom lip and then kissing his jaw. “Can you blame me? I mean, look at you.”

Rafael shook his head, tilting up so that he could kiss Sonny again, more comfortable sharing breaths than compliments. “You got your kiss and then some. Now go back to work,” he said when they pulled apart.

“Do I have to? I was hoping we could make good on that threat of you coming over the table at me. Sounded kinda hot.”

Rafael rolled his eyes and gave him a little push. “You couldn’t handle it.”


	24. Barisi Watches TV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr follower appreciation prompt from booyahfordhamlaw: "How about Barisi watching a show you’re super into right now? One loves it, and the other could not care less." 
> 
> Do not ask me why the literal first show that popped into my mind was The Wall, but it did and here we are.

“Oh, no.” **  
**

They’d just settled on the couch with dinner, take out from the Chinese place downstairs where Sonny had stopped on his way home. It was a rare evening that they were both home before seven and he planned to take advantage of it, but Rafael was being a curmudgeon.

“What?” Sonny stopped the egg roll that was heading for his mouth mid air.

“Not this again.”

“First of all,” Sonny waved the egg roll around. “It’s my night to pick. And second of all, did I complain when we spent our entire Sunday watching the Property Brothers marathon?”

“Yes,” Rafael said pointedly. “You did. Several times, in fact.”

“It’s the same thing every time!” Now Rafael thought the egg roll would go flying, Sonny was gesturing so wildly, but he was impressed that he managed to hang onto it. “You’re going on a show where the entire point is to buy a piece of shit house and remodel it! Why do you spend the first twenty minutes adamantly saying you don’t want to do a remodel? It’s ridiculous!”

“And it’s not at all because you’re jealous that Jonathan is tall, handsome, skilled with his hands, and there are two of him.” Rafael smirked, shoveling some sweet & sour pork into his mouth.

“No, it’s not,” Sonny protested before mumbling, “Not that it would kill you to look at me the way you look at Jonathan Scott, just sayin’…”

“Well, put on a tool belt and maybe we’ll talk.”

Sonny rolled his eyes, but then he sat up straight, fixing Rafael with a glare. “Hey, you’re just trying to distract me.” He picked up the remote and hit rewind. “We’re watching The Wall.”

“Come on, Sonny,” Rafael groaned. “It’s just giant plinko. They stole it from the Price is Right.”

“Which the Price is Right stole from the Japanese.” Carisi finally bit into the egg roll, feeling victorious.

Rafael scowled at the revelation, all of his childhood sick days now tainted. “Well, it’s still dumb,” he grumbled, unable to come up with anything better.

Sonny grinned to himself, knowing that when he got Rafael down to nothing but childish retorts he’d won.

“Any idiot could get these questions right,” Rafael complained and Sonny sighed.

“We’ve been over this. They do it on purpose, so they make it to the next round.”

“So why even have this round?” Rafael sat his empty container on the coffee table, fixing the tv with a scrutinizing gaze.

“I don’t know, they need enough game to fill the hour.” Sonny polished off his Szechuan beef and dropped his empty carton next to Rafael’s. “Are you seriously going to complain the entire time?”

Rafael huffed a dramatic sigh, like keeping his complaints to himself was likely to kill him. “Fine, I guess not, but I better never hear another derogatory word about the Scott brothers.”

That was probably the best he was going to get, so with the roll of his eyes Sonny shifted on the couch so the he was leaning into Rafael, resting his head on his chest. He half expected Rafael to shove him off, just to prove a point, but instead he wasted no time draping an arm around him, fingers running gently up and down his side as he remained true to his word and watched the show silently.

Well, mostly. He made disparaging comments when the contestants got questions wrong or played too aggressively, but even Sonny agreed with those.

When it came down toward the end, Sonny felt Rafael’s heartbeat quicken under his cheek and he grinned. “Are you nervous?”

“No,” Rafael protested immediately.

Sonny sat up, looking at him with an amused expression. “You are!”

“Well, he saved those kids from that fire and she found homes for all those dogs,” he gestured toward the tv. “They deserve the money. I swear to God if she signed that contract…”

Sonny just laughed and shook his head, leaning back against him. They watched and waited as the contestants hemmed and hawed before revealing that she had, in fact, torn up the contract.

Rafael let out a sigh of relief. “That was more stressful than waiting on a verdict.”

“You loved it.” Sonny said smugly.

“I tolerated it,” Rafael corrected.

“Yeah, okay.” He picked up the remote, deciding to be nice, and typed in the number for the channel he knew by heart.

“This is more like it,” Rafael kissed the top of Sonny’s head, watching as Jonathan and Drew showed a couple a beautiful home that would turn out to be hundreds of thousands of dollars outside of their budget.

“Whatever,” Sonny mumbled. “I’m buying a tool belt tomorrow.”  


	25. Clothes Sharing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr follower appreciation prompt from cypress-tree: "Could you do something involving clothes sharing?? it's my favorite under appreciated trope."

Four days. Sonny had only been under for four days and here he was, standing on his side of the closet, running his hands over his clothes reverently like it was the 19th century and his man had gone off to sea. **  
**

They’d been together over a year, Sonny had moved in two months ago, and sometimes Rafael still found himself wondering how he’d gotten here. Well into his forties, with a career that not only demanded most of his time, but took a mental and emotional toll well beyond that of the average person, he’d come to terms with the fact that he was meant to spend his life alone. If his sole purpose was to put away the dregs of society and find justice for victims of the most horrific of crimes, then he was okay with that.

But then Sonny had come along. Someone smart, funny, and caring all wrapped up in a beautiful package of deep dimples and lethal blue eyes. Someone who, for reasons that were beyond him, loved Rafael just as much as he loved him.

And now he was away, embedded once again in something that could get him killed. He knew that every day there was chance that Sonny would leave for work and never come back. With the world they lived in, the chance was almost just as high for Rafael, but they did their best not to think of it, to live their lives without the fear and worry. But at times like these, with Sonny living among criminals, at risk of getting made every second of every day, there was no way to keep the worry at bay.

He ran a hand down the line of shirts, from long sleeve button downs to henleys and baseball tees to a ridiculous amount of t-shirts, sending them swaying gently before moving onto the built in drawers that had once held only Rafael’s belongings, but had since been emptied by half to make room for Sonny’s things. With hands that trembled slightly he pulled open the drawer that held the detective’s ties, finding one with stripes of purple and silver and plucking it from its place.

The day went by agonizingly slow, as they all had since Sonny had gone under. His workload was astronomical, but even with countless meetings, a motion hearing, and mounds of paperwork, time seemed to move by at half speed.

Late in the afternoon, Carmen informed him that he was needed at the 16th precinct and he felt fear curl in his chest, but only for a second. If something had happened to Sonny, Olivia would have come here, to tell him privately in his office. She wouldn’t have summoned him to the precinct, condemned to agonize over what may have happened as he made the journey.

At least that’s what he continued to tell himself as he traveled the short trip to the station.

He found Olivia in her office, glasses perched on her face as she frowned at whatever was on her computer screen.

“You rang?” He did his best to lean on snark to hide the trepidation he felt.

“Hey.” She looked up from her screen as he settled into a chair across from her. “Yeah, Rollins and Fin went to pick up Parnela, I thought you’d want to be here for the line up,” she referred to their other active case, one that had nothing to do with Sonny’s undercover assignment.

Rafael nodded, his shoulders visibly relaxing. “How’s the witness?”

“Seems credible.” She shoved her glasses onto the top of her head and eyed him carefully. “New tie?”

Rafael brought a hand up, smoothing it over the rough material he’d once mocked, but now had a deep affection for. “Kind of.”

“He’s fine, you know. We had a check in a couple of hours ago. You don’t have to worry.”

Rafael wanted to laugh at the notion that it was something he could just turn off. “You say that like it’s possible.”

“I know.” And she did. She’d never had love, not in the way that Barba and Carisi did. In all the years and with all the relationships, she’d never had anyone look at her the way Rafael looked at Sonny when he didn’t think anyone was paying attention, but as a mother she understood caring about someone more than you cared about yourself.

“How much longer?” he asked for the fourth time in four days.

“As long as it takes,” she answered just the same as she had every time he’d asked, wishing she could give him something concrete, but not able to.

It turned out the answer was sixteen days. Sixteen days of an empty bed, sixteen days of waiting to hear from Olivia that he’d checked in and he was okay. And sixteen days of dressing from Sonny’s side of the closet. Ties for work, t-shirts and hoodies on the weekends, always something to make Rafael feel closer to him.

He was sleeping when Sonny finally did come home, one arm curled around Sonny’s pillow, his old Pearl Jam t-shirt snug over his torso and long gray sweatpants rolled at the cuffs.

It was late, and Sonny was bone tired, but he felt as if air had been breathed into his lungs for the first time in over two weeks when he saw Rafael, bathed in moonlight, wearing his t-shirt. He toed off his shoes before making his way to the bed. Careful not to jostle the mattress, he cuddled up close, raising a hand to place it softly on Rafael’s cheek, smoothing a thumb over his skin.

It took a moment, but green eyes slowly fluttered open and it took only a moment for recognition to break through the haze of sleep. “You’re home.” Sonny felt Rafael’s smile under his hand just as much as he saw it.

“I’m home.” It was almost a sigh, relief and love and exhaustion all in two syllables. He scooted closer, kissing soft lips that he dreamt of the last couple of weeks. “I missed you.”

“You have no idea.” Rafael turned his head to kiss the palm that still rested on his cheek.

Sonny brought his hand down, using an index finger to lightly trace the faded letters that stretched across Rafael’s chest. “This looks good on you.”

Rafael was grateful for the low lighting in the room that kept his blush hidden. “It’s silly, but it made me feel closer to you.” The bed shifted and suddenly Sonny was up, headed for the door. “Where are you going?” It came out way more like a whine than he’d intended, but he could blame it on still being half asleep.

It wasn’t long before Sonny was back, returning to his place next to him, but he held out a hand, balled in a fist. “It’s not silly.” He opened his fingers to reveal one of Rafael’s ties, the black and blue plaid one he’d been wearing the first time Sonny had kissed him. “I kept it with me the whole time.”

Rafael grinned, bringing a hand to the back of Sonny’s neck, pulling him in close so he could capture his lips, once, twice, and then deeper, teasing with his tongue until Sonny opened up to him.

They stayed that way, skimming hands lightly over one another, touching warm skin and trading soft, loving kisses like they were just trying to prove to themselves that the other was real.

“I meant what I said,” Sonny told him as he placed a gentle kiss just under his jaw, scratchy with stubble. “The shirt looks good on you. You should keep it.”

“I don’t need the shirt.” Rafael kissed him again. “I have you.”


	26. Happy Birthday, Sonny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A drabble I posted on Tumblr for Peter Scanavino's birthday. A little companion to Happy Birthday, Rafi.

“Hey!” Sonny’s eyes brightened and his dimples deepened when Rafael walked into the squad room. “Cannoli?” he offered, standing to place a kiss on Barba’s temple and gesturing towards his desk. **  
**

Rafael eyed the platter, down to only a couple remaining cannoli, ‘Happy Birthday, Sonny!’ written across the top in chocolate that was only slightly smeared after everyone had made a grab for a dessert. “How on the nose,” he said, going for a smirk but falling somewhere closer to a grin instead.

“Hey, they know what I like. Even if I am a walking stereotype,” Sonny added before Rafael could, having heard the remark from his fiancé more than once in their relationship.

“It was very nice of them,” he commented genuinely. It made him happy that the squad recognized Sonny’s birthday. He looked around the squad room, void of any detectives besides Carisi. “Are they all in a sugar coma somewhere?”

Sonny huffed a small laugh. “Nah, they caught a case, but Lieu said since it was my birthday I could cut out on time, as long as my paperwork was done.”

“Good, since our reservations are in half an hour.”

“I’m still bummed that Guy Fieri’s closed. I was so excited.” Sonny stood, pulling his peacoat from the back of his chair and shoving his arms through the sleeves.  

“Yes, tragic,” Rafael mused, only feeling a little guilty over his glee that he didn’t have to keep his promise to take Sonny to Guy Fieri’s Times Square monstrosity for his birthday. “I’m sorry you have to settle for Geoffry Zakarian instead.”

“We’re going to The National?” Sonny perked up, falling into step beside Rafael as they walked to the elevators.

“Yes,” Barba told him, stepping onto the elevator and jabbing the button for the first floor. “It’s no Flavor Town, but…”

“It’s perfect,” Sonny grinned, throwing his arm over Rafael’s shoulders and pulling him close to place a kiss on his cheek, landing closer to the corner of his mouth, a not unwelcome miscalculation.

Outside, Barba hailed a cab and held the door open for Sonny to climb in before sliding in next to him. “50th and Lexington,” he instructed the driver. He sent a quick text before pocketing his phone and taking Sonny’s hand in his. “So, how has the birthday been so far?”

Sonny shrugged. “Okay for having to work. Mostly just leg work on a couple we got open. Nothing new until that one we just caught. Oh, but I did hear from my ma.” He said it like it was a bad thing, which had been rare up until Sonny had proposed to Rafael four months prior. His patience with her had been growing thinner ever since.

“Not an uncommon thing on your birthday,” Rafael stayed neutral, knowing that Sonny could vent all he wanted about his family, but got immediately defensive if he tried the same.

“Well, it was initially to wish me happy birthday, but it devolved into a conversation about how we  _have_ to invite my great aunt Sophia to the wedding or it would just crush her even though before today I didn’t even know I have a great aunt Sophia.” Sonny waved the hand that wasn’t holding Rafael’s. “She’s being completely ridiculous. I’ve told her ten times the venue only holds 75 people and we’re trying to keep it really small.”

“We can always pick a larger venue,” Rafael offered.

“We’ll lose the deposit.” Sonny shook his head. “Besides, we need to keep it small.”

“Why?” Rafael asked. Not that he wanted a giant wedding, but if it would help keep Sonny from going crazy then he’d do it.

“Well,” Sonny hesitated, but then took a deep breath. “It’s not fair to you. You only have your ma, really, and it’s bad enough my immediate family is so much bigger. You don’t need two hundred Carisis from all over the world invading our wedding. It’s so unbalanced.”

Rafael loved him so much his chest ached. “My whole life has already been overrun by Carisis,” he said with a smile, bringing Sonny’s hand to his lip. “Why not the wedding?”

Sonny smiled at him, one of those big, beaming smiles with accompanying eyes that looked at him like he was single greatest thing on the planet. He didn’t understand it, but Rafael would never get tired of it. “I’m going to try to fend her off, but thank you for the offer.” He leaned in, kissing Rafael softly just as the cab pulled to a stop.

Rafael went through the motions of paying with his credit card before they slid out of the back, their hands once again finding one another. Once inside, he gave his name and they were quickly led toward the back of the restaurant.

“Prime table right next to the restrooms?” Sonny joked in Rafael’s ear, just as the host stopped near an open doorway.

“You’re right in here, sir,” he said, gesturing into the room beyond.

“Thank you,” Rafael said graciously before turning to Sonny and pulling him into the room with a grin.

“Surprise!” Several voices rang out as Sonny stood in shock, taking in the small, private dining area. Everyone who was special to him surrounded the large table—his parents and sisters, Tommy, his nieces, and Rafael’s mother as well as the whole squad, who he now realized hadn’t caught a case at all. They all beamed at him, happy to have been a part of the surprise.

“You did this?” He looked at Rafael, tears shining in his eyes, but they couldn’t obscure the love to be found there.  

Rafael nodded, smiling an open, genuine smile, so rare on him, but brought about by Sonny’s happiness. “I just thought that after the last few months you’ve had, you’d like a night surrounded by those who love you most.”

“I love you so much.” Sonny wrapped a hand around the back of Rafael’s neck in a kiss that was just this side of dirty and the guests all politely looked away, taking their seats at the table.

Well, all except Gina who called out “Get it, Sonny!” only to be chastised by their mother.

They pulled apart, laughing too hard to maintain the kiss, but Sonny kept his hand on Rafael’s neck for just a moment longer, their foreheads touching.

“I love you, too,” Rafael smiled up at him. “Happy birthday, Sonny.”


	27. Rafael Can't Sing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wonderful power-bottom-barba gave me the prompt: "Rafael thinks he's home alone and Sonny finally overhears him singing after months of living together - and he's fucking terrible."

“Sonny, be a dear and grab that covered platter from the fridge, won’t you?” **  
**

“Mami,” Rafael cautioned. It was bad enough that Sonny was clearing their lunch plates.

“What? He’s already going in that direction.”

Sonny balanced their plates in one hand so he could place his free one on Rafael’s shoulder as he passed by. “It’s no problem.”

“You take advantage of his kindness.” Rafael kept his voice low even though Sonny had disappeared into the kitchen. The apartment was small and sound carried easily.

“And you don’t?” She was nice enough to drop her voice too.

“I try to discourage it actually,” he said as Sonny returned, carrying the covered serving dish.

“Here ya go,” he said jovially as he placed it on the table before returning to his seat next to Rafael.

“Señoritas?” Rafael’s eyes widened when Lucia removed the cover revealing the powdered sugar coated puff pastries, the creamy custard filling spilling out of the sides. He turned to Sonny. “She must really like you, she hasn’t made these since I was a teenager.”

“Well, they’re a lot of work and after making them every week for your glee club I kinda got tired of it.” Lucia passed a pastry to each of them.

“Wait,” Sonny held up a hand. “Glee club?”

“Oh yes,” Lucia said proudly. “Rafi has a beautiful voice.”

“But you won’t even sing along to the radio in the car.” Sonny looked at Rafael who chose to shovel a forkful of pastry into his mouth instead of participating in this conversation.

“He’s always been so hesitant to sing in front of others,” Lucia explained. “He only joined glee club because he needed extracurriculars for his college applications.”

Swallowing, Rafael spoke, “Well, God knows I couldn’t play any sports.”

Lucia just clicked her tongue, patting his hand. No doubt thinking of the disastrous little league season of ‘79.

“You gotta sing for me sometime.” Sonny was still in disbelief, not that Rafael could sing, really, the man’s speaking voice was smooth enough that it made sense, but that he’d actually been in a singing group. Even after all this time together, the man still managed to surprise him.

“There is very little chance of that happening,” Rafael said casually, licking powdered sugar from his fingers.

* * *

 

Rafael was hurt. That was the first panicked thought that Sonny had as he stepped into their apartment, the anguished sounds carrying from the kitchen, but then he realized that he was…singing. At least, that seemed to be the term for it. It was some sort of show tune, he thought, from what he could make out through the warbling.

A grin spread across his face as he made his way down the hall, thinking of mothers and how their children could do no wrong in their eyes—Sonny’s own mother still bragged about what a star he’d been on his high school basketball team when he’d done nothing but ride the bench.

He stopped in the doorway, leaning a shoulder against it, arms crossed as he watched Rafael at the stove, stirring something in a pot as he continued his one man show, really belting it out. Sonny cringed at a particularly painful high note and he didn’t think he could love Rafael more than he did in that moment. Truthfully it was a relief that there was something the man wasn’t good at.

Rafael turned then, catching sight of him and jumping, “Jesus. How long have you been there?” A bit of color rose in his cheeks and Sonny’s smile widened.

“Long enough.”

Rafael chewed his lip a moment. “Don’t tell my mother.”

“What? That the glee club kept you around because she made them pastries every week?” Sonny smirked, but his eyes were cheerful and loving.

“Yes,” Rafael sighed. “She still thinks I’m Benny Moré and I’d hate to ruin that for her.”

“Your secret is safe with me.” Sonny stepped forward, wrapping long arms around Rafael’s waist and kissing him soundly. “I love you so much. Even if you can’t carry a tune in a bucket.“


	28. Sonny Loves Rafael's Thighs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fanficcionista on tumblr gave me the prompt: "Sonny is obssessed with Rafael's thighs and can't stop nibbling sucking biting them."
> 
> This one is smutty.

“Do we really have to go to this thing?” Sonny called into the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the bed to pull on a pair of black socks. He’d just come off of back to back doubles and the last thing he wanted to do was go to some fancy fundraiser that the mayor was throwing.

“Maybe if you weren’t so pretty 1PP wouldn’t have wanted to make us the poster children for the new LGBTQ friendly NYPD.” Rafael stepped out of the bathroom, deftly knotting his bowtie.

“Yeah, because your hot ass has nothing to do with it.” Sonny looked him over appreciatively, his eyes lingering the longest where the pants of his tux hugged his thighs, just this side of too tight.

“I wish I would have had time to go by the tailor.” Rafael shifted uncomfortably. “You need to stop cooking so much pasta. I’m getting too fat.”

“Are you kidding me?” Sonny stood, looking pretty dapper in his own tux, and wrapped his arms around Rafael’s waist. “You are so sexy.” He dipped his head, drinking a long kiss from Rafael’s lips.

“You have to say that because we’re married,” Rafael grumbled.

“No, I have to say it because it’s true. Every inch of you is completely, irresistibly, sexy.” He punctuated each word with a kiss, moving his hands up to rest on either side of his neck, running thumbs over his jaw on the last one, tilting his head and licking into his mouth.

Rafael’s hands gripped the jacket of Sonny’s tux, pulling him close and allowing himself to get lost in it for a moment before he finally pulled away. “I appreciate the flattery, but we still have to go.”

“Fine,” Sonny huffed a sigh, still close enough for Rafael to feel it on his lips. “But we’re going to finish this later.”

* * *

Sonny made good on his promise even sooner than Rafael expected, practically pouncing on him the second they were in the back of a cab on their way home. They were both a little buzzed after having overindulged on champagne and Rafal could taste it now on Sonny’s tongue.

One of Sonny’s hands gripped the back of his neck, holding him close, while the other squeezed his thigh, almost tight enough to bruise. He hadn’t been able to keep his hands off of Rafael all night, fingers pressing into his thigh under the table, trailing up his inseam until Rafael had clapped a hand over top of his, stopping him just before he reached his cock.

As soon as it had been socially acceptable for them to leave, Rafael had practically dragged Sonny to the exit, his arm in the air hailing a cab before they’d even come to a stop at the curb.

Now, in the back of the cab, his hips canted up with a mind of their own, trying desperately to get the hand on his thigh to move those few precious inches north.

“Not yet,” Sonny panted against his lips before pulling him back in, tightening his grip on his thigh.

When they pulled to a stop in front of their building, Rafael practically threw the cash through the partition as Sonny dragged him from the cab. The elevator ride was a whirlwind of hands and lips and teeth and tongues, and it was all Rafael could do to get the key in their door once they’d reached it.

The door had barely closed behind them before they were halfway down the hallway, shedding their jackets and shoes as they went. Rafael went to tug at his tie, but Sonny stopped him. “Leave it.”

He pushed Rafael down on the bed, unbuttoning his pants and yanking them down, tossing them somewhere into the darkness of their room. He rose up onto his knees on the mattress, still fully clothed, taking in the sight of Rafael spread before him, still in his white tuxedo shirt and bowtie, but naked from the waist down. “God, you’re fucking gorgeous.”

Sonny leaned down, stealing a needy kiss from his mouth before moving down, settling comfortably between his legs. He gripped a thigh in each hand, placing his lips on the right one, nipping at the skin there before running a soothing tongue over the same spot. He did this all the way up, reaching the apex of where Rafael’s thigh met his groin, stopping to suck a bruise there, marking him.

Rafael could feel Sonny’s breath on his throbbing prick, but he didn’t bring his warm mouth any closer. “C’mon, Sonny,” he growled, lifting his hips just a little, making his need clear.

But instead of using his mouth, Sonny brought a hand up to stroke him gently as he moved his lips to the other leg, giving his left thigh the same treatment the other had received, including a matching bruise.

“How could you ever think there was anything wrong with your body?” Sonny asked, biting down on soft skin, not hard enough to leave a mark, but enough to have Rafael sucking air through his teeth. “You’re perfect.”

“Yes, perfect,” Rafael agreed quickly, moaning as Sonny swiped his thumb over the head of his cock, collecting more precome to slick his way. “Your mouth. Please. I need—”

As much as Sonny was enjoying himself, he couldn’t help but give Rafael exactly what he wanted when he begged him like this. He still felt a jolt go through him knowing that he could turn Rafael into a writhing mess underneath him.

“Oh, fuck,” Rafael moaned once he finally had the wet heat of Sonny’s mouth around his dick, his hand immediately going to grip his hair while the other fisted in the comforter. Sonny’s fingers buried deep in the skin of his thighs, knowing there would be fingertip bruises to match the ones he’d made with his mouth, as he hollowed his cheeks, pulling almost all the way off of him before dropping back down again.

“Unh, Jesus, Sonny, God,” Rafael’s hips jumped off the bed, out of his control, just as Sonny took him in deep, and he felt the tip of his cock hit the back of his throat.

Sonny hummed, even as tears came to his eyes, and the vibrations on the head of his prick had Rafael tightening his grip on Sonny’s hair. Sonny pulled off again, swirling his tongue around the tip, pressing his tongue to his slit.

“Come on.” He looked up at Rafael, his pupils blown wide, saliva and precome shining on his lips. “Give me what you’ve got.”

“Jesus,” Rafael blasphemed again as Sonny once again dropped his head, taking him into his mouth. Rafael lifted his hips off the bed, continuing to thrust—careful not to be too rough—as Sonny bobbed his head up and down over him. “Sonny. Sonny, I’m gonna—”

He gave Rafael’s thighs a squeeze, letting him know that it was okay, and that’s all it took. With one more moan, starting from somewhere deep in his chest, he was coming in Sonny’s mouth, shooting ribbons of his release down his throat. Sonny swallowed it all, lapping up his come like he’d been starving for it. When he’d taken all he had to offer and Rafael twitched with oversensitivity, he released him with a grin, kissing the red marks on each thigh before moving back up the bed.

“You’re amazing,” Rafael breathed heavily, pulling him in for a deep kiss, tasting himself on Sonny’s tongue. He slid his hand down from Sonny’s cheek, over his neck and chest until it came to rest where his cock strained against his pants. “But wearing entirely too many clothes.”

Sonny’s huff of laughter was lost on another kiss as Rafael used his nimble fingers to pop open the button of Sonny’s pants and slide down the zipper.


	29. Sonny Hurts Rafael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mad,” Rafael repeated. Such simple word to describe the rage, hurt, disappointment, and a little bit of resignation that swirled within him. Mad. No he wasn’t just mad. He wished that was all it was. He chuckled sarcastically. “You know, I’m not someone who breaks easily, but I must commend you on this.”
> 
> He tipped his glass at Sonny in mock salute before draining it and flagging down the bartender for another.
> 
> “I didn’t mean to,” Sonny said and it sounded genuine, but Rafael didn’t care. “The last thing in this world I would want is to hurt you.”
> 
> Rafael scoffed. “You sure have a funny way of showing it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the prompt "Gimme some angst where Sonny hurts Rafael or messes up in some way," from Astronaut_Milky. 
> 
> This one hurts, guys...

A cold blast of air whipped through the bar as the door was opened and Rafael knew without even looking that it was Sonny. He could sense it. Even back when they’d been nothing more than coworkers, a room had always felt different when Sonny was in it.

“Sorry I’m late.” Sonny shrugged out of his peacoat, draping it over the back of the stool next to Rafael and sitting down. “Thank you for meeting me. I know under the circumstances…I just—I think we should talk.”

Rafael only nodded, sipping his scotch.

“I would have reached out sooner, but I knew you needed some time to—”

“What makes you think that’s what I needed?” Rafael interrupted. “Why do you think time could fix this?”

“I know you,” Sonny dipped his head, trying to meet Rafael’s eyes with his own, but Rafael refused to comply. “When you’re mad you just need time to cool off, to think about things.”

“Mad,” Rafael repeated. Such simple word to describe the rage, hurt, disappointment, and a little bit of resignation that swirled within him. Mad. No he wasn’t just mad. He wished that was all it was. He chuckled sarcastically. “You know, I’m not someone who breaks easily, but I must commend you on this.”

He tipped his glass at Sonny in mock salute before draining it and flagging down the bartender for another.

“I didn’t mean to,” Sonny said and it sounded genuine, but Rafael didn’t care. “The last thing in this world I would want is to hurt you.”

Rafael scoffed. “You sure have a funny way of showing it.”

The bartender sat his refill down in front of him and he was grateful to once again have something to focus on other than Sonny.

Sonny, who now seemed without anything to say, a rarity for a man who could prattle on about anything, but Rafael thought maybe he’d finally realized that he didn’t have a leg to stand on and any arguments to the contrary would fall on deaf ears.

They sat quietly for a moment, Rafael focused on his glass and Sonny staring holes in him like he could telepathically make him look up.

Finally, Rafael turned and held his hand out, palm up and Sonny stared at it, confused. Finally, he started to reach up to place his hand in Rafael’s, but Rafael shook his head, a quick jerk that was almost a flinch. “No. I want my key back.”

“Oh.” Sonny dropped his hand. “Um, I don’t have it with me.”

“That’s fine,” Rafael’s hand went back around his glass. “I’ll just have the locks changed.”

“You don’t hafta do that. I can give it to you at work.”

“No,” Rafael said again, forcefully. “After I walk out of this bar I am never again going to think about what we had together. We will be colleagues, nothing more. And maybe not even that for much longer.” The last part was quiet, but it had Sonny’s eyebrows going up.

“What?”

“I’ve been thinking about making a change.” Rafael spun his glass on the pockmarked wood of the bar, once again staring at it to avoid looking at Sonny. “Even before you—well, I’ve been thinking about it for awhile.”

“You never said anything.”

“Yeah, well, there was a lot you didn’t say, so I guess we’re even.” He looked up now with a fire in his eyes that made Sonny wish that he’d look away again.

“I’m so sorry. I need you to know th—”

“Don’t.” Rafael shook his head. “I didn’t come here so that you could absolve yourself of your sins. That’s what your priest is for.”

“So why did you come?”

“So I could have an exact moment in time to point to in which you, the version of you who I loved with my whole heart, stopped existing.” Sonny’s face twisted at his callous words, but Rafael stifled the small part of him that still cared whether or not Sonny was hurt. “So that you could look into my eyes and see that I mean it when I tell you that I will never forgive you. Even if your God does. I won’t.”

Sonny stared at him, all at once surprised at the cruelty and knowing that he deserved it. “Then I guess there’s nothing left to say.”

“Guess not.” His tone was even colder now. Sonny hadn’t thought it possible.

Sonny just nodded slowly, resigned, and stood up from his barstool.

Rafael didn’t even watch him leave, only once again felt the sweep of frigid air as the door was opened and closed, but long after he’d left, the chill remained, clinging to him so deeply he that felt it in his bones. He supposed he always would.


	30. Attire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I need your help,” Sonny announced without preamble, peeling off his jacket as he walked into their apartment, finding Rafael perched on a stool at the kitchen island, papers spread across its surface and laptop open. “I need an outfit for a date.”
> 
> “You said, date, so it’s higher end. Escort?” Rafael asked without even looking up from the legal pad he was scribbling on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short little episode tag for 19x18 "Service" requested by the fabulous AHumanFemale.

“I need your help,” Sonny announced without preamble, peeling off his jacket as he walked into their apartment, finding Rafael perched on a stool at the kitchen island, papers spread across its surface and laptop open. “I need an outfit for a date.”

“You said, date, so it’s higher end. Escort?” Rafael asked without even looking up from the legal pad he was scribbling on.

“Got it in one,” Sonny said, pecking him on the cheek before continuing toward the bedroom. “I’m meeting her in an hour so we gotta do this fast.”

Rafael sighed, dropping his pen and following him into their room. “How many times do we have to do this before you’re able to dress yourself?”

“At least one more,” Sonny said, already rifling through his side of the closet.

“Here, let me.” Rafael nudged him to the side, taking over as he skimmed expertly through Sonny’s many button downs. He pulled out one, eyeing it carefully before shaking his head and putting it back. He did this a few more times while Sonny tried to not-so-obviously check his watch. Finally he pulled out a simple light blue one and held it up in front of Sonny. “This one, it brings out your eyes.”

“It’s not too plain?” Sonny asked even as he took the hanger from Rafael.

“No. It’s simple, uncomplicated, and looks expensive without trying too hard,” Rafael explained, reaching up to pull Sonny’s tie loose, tossing it over his own shoulder so he could unfasten the buttons of his vest. There was nothing sexual about it, just business as he removed the vest and then went to work on his shirt, but Sonny couldn’t help the warmth that coursed through his veins at the feel of Rafael’s hands undressing him.

“I know what you’re thinking and you don’t have time,” Rafael said with a smirk as he shoved Sonny’s shirt off his shoulders.

“I can be fast,” Sonny said more for argument’s sake, knowing Rafael was right.

“I know you can, but not that fast.” He stepped back watching with a critical eye as Sonny slipped on the blue shirt and began fastening the buttons. “I think those pants you have on will be okay.”

“Tie?” Sonny asked when his shirt was buttoned, already turning toward the drawer where he kept them.

“Skip it,” Rafael told him, reaching up to undo the top button of Sonny’s shirt. He gave him another once over. “Perfect.”

At the door Sonny reached for his black peacoat, but Rafael stopped him. 

“No, I have something.” He went to the hall closet and pulled out his long, camel colored coat. “Wear this instead.”

“Are you sure?” Sonny asked, uncertain. Rafael had everything he owned tailored to his specifications and their body types were decidedly different.

“It will be fine,” Rafael assured him, holding out the coat. “Just try it.”

Sonny put on the coat and Rafael gave a twirl of his finger, indicating that he wanted Sonny to give him the full view. He rolled his eyes, but did a little spin, arms outstretched. “Good?”

“Well,” Rafael said, taking the lapels of the coat in his hands. “If I were an escort I’d give you a night on the house.”

Sonny laughed, kissing him lightly. “I guess it’s perfect then.”

“Good luck,” Rafael told him, kissing him one last time before he headed for the door. “Order wine, not beer. I know you hate it, but it’s classier. And don’t you dare spill any on that coat.” 


	31. Contact Solution is Romantic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you really getting mushy over contact solution?” Rafael raised an eyebrow as Sonny slipped his arms around his waist, pulling him close.
> 
> “Maybe,” Sonny grinned before dipping his head and brushing a sweet kiss over Rafael’s lips.
> 
> “Sap.” Rafael rolled his eyes, but still leveraged himself up onto his toes so that he could chase down Sonny’s lips again.
> 
> “Maybe,” Sonny repeated without pulling away and he felt Rafael’s mouth curve against his own before he pulled away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the anonymous tumblr prompt: "Could you write about the first time barba or carisi left something at the other's apartment? a toothbrush or an extra cellphone charger (like sonny has an iphone but barba has an android yet barba keeps an iphone charger nearly folded on his nightstand for win sonny spends the night)"

Sonny bounced back and forth on his feet as he waited for Rafael to open the door. “C’mon, Raf,” he said mostly to himself as he tapped lightly on the door again, trying his best not to convey the urgency that he was feeling. He’d buzzed him up, so he knew he was coming, now if only he’d just open the damn— 

“Thank God.” He nearly cried from relief when the door swung open and he barreled through the doorway and past Rafael, who stared after him.

“Well, hello to you too,” Rafael said, closing the door and watching as Sonny rushed down the hallway.

“Sorry!” Sonny called out without so much as a pause. “Stakeout. No bathroom!”

He could hear Rafael laughing at him as he swung the bathroom door closed. Sonny didn’t think he’d ever felt such relief in all of his life. He’d refused to go with Fin’s tried and true method of pissing in a bottle, but honestly next time he might break down and do it.

Feeling much better, he stepped to the sink to wash his hands, and was reaching for the towel when his eyes caught sight of something that hadn’t been there before. There, on Rafael’s counter, next to the toothbrush holder, was a small bottle of contact solution and a case. Warmth flooded his belly and he could feel the thrum of his heart in his chest. 

It was different than the toothbrush that now sat in the holder next to Rafael’s. That had been given to him with very little thought, pulled from a drawer where there had been several others, and Sonny had a feeling that he wasn’t the first person to get a toothbrush from that drawer.

This was new, this thing between them, and while Sonny was head over heels and all in, Rafael had been playing things close to the vest. Sonny had never really been able to get a read on how exactly he felt. Was this just a casual thing for him? Sonny hadn’t had the courage to ask. But this took forethought and consideration and was a physical manifestation of the place that Sonny held in Rafael’s life.

“Better?” Rafael asked with a smirk when Sonny joined him in the kitchen. He stood in front of the stove, something simmering on the burner. Every now and then he’d stir it with a wooden spoon.

It had surprised Sonny to learn that Rafael could cook. He really didn’t seem the type, and while his skills weren’t vast, the few select meals that he knew were done to perfection.

“Did you go to the eye doctor or something?” Sonny asked, even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

“What?” Rafael looked over at him confused. “Are you okay? Did something happen today? Are you concussed?”

“No, I—” Sonny shook his head. “I just saw the contact solution and stuff in the bathroom and…”

“Oh,” Rafael shrugged like it was no big deal, reaching forward to turn off the burner. “I was at the store and went ahead and picked that up. I figured after the other day…”

Sonny thought about a couple of nights ago when he’d stayed over unplanned. He’d slept in his contacts and paid the price for the next morning. His eyes had been so red that Olivia had threatened to drug test him.

“Is it the wrong kind? Because I can—”

“No,” Sonny shook his head, putting a hand on his arm to turn him now that he was no longer cooking. “It’s perfect.”

“Are you really getting mushy over contact solution?” Rafael raised an eyebrow as Sonny slipped his arms around his waist, pulling him close.

“Maybe,” Sonny grinned before dipping his head and brushing a sweet kiss over Rafael’s lips.

“Sap.” Rafael rolled his eyes, but still leveraged himself up onto his toes so that he could chase down Sonny’s lips again.

“Maybe,” Sonny repeated without pulling away and he felt Rafael’s mouth curve against his own before he pulled away.

“If that’s all it takes, then this relationship is going to be easy.”

“Relationship?” Sonny asked, trying to keep the hopefulness in his voice to a minimum.

It earned him another eyeroll. “Yes, Sonny, relationship. What did you think this was? An extended booty call?”

Sonny shrugged. “I don’t know. We hadn’t really talked about it.”

“Well, if you’re in, I’m in,” Rafael told him, and then he grinned. “I don’t by contact solution for just anyone, you know…”

“Then I must be pretty special,” Sonny said with a smile, stealing another kiss.

“Yes, you are.”


	32. Hurt/Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a Hurt/Comfort prompt over on tumblr and this was me dipping my toe back into the water after having not written for awhile. 
> 
> *TW: Homophobia

Rafael wasn’t sure how the evening had taken such a quick turn. He’d been having a celebratory drink with Carisi and then he’d apparently made the mistake of getting up to go to the restroom, bumping into one of the other bar goers as he did so. “Excuse me,” Barba said politely, patting the man on his shoulder as he started to make his way by. 

Glassy eyes took in Rafael’s pink shirt and pink paisley tie and a sneer crossed his lips. “Watch where you’re going, fag.”

In an instant Carisi was up off of his barstool and in the man’s face. “You might want to be careful.”

“What’re you? His boyfriend?”

It had escalated quickly after that, ending in a few landed punches on both their parts and Rafael had to drag Carisi from the bar, practically throwing him through the door and out into the cool night air as Sonny grumbled something about bringing up charges for assaulting a police officer.

“You’re not even on duty,” Rafael snapped.

“So?” Sonny said, still breathing heavy from the altercation.

Rafael took in his cracked and bloody lip, the skin split open on his right knuckles. He found fighting abominable, a desperate effort to show one’s masculine superiority, but there was something in him softening at Carisi’s current state. Possibly because he’d been defending Rafael, something that was unnecessary, he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, and he could do it with wit and words instead of his fists.

But even still, instead of telling Carisi he was an idiot, Rafael gestured up the block. “I live just up this way. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Carisi’s eyes widened in surprise, but he fell into step beside Barba who had already started up the sidewalk. They were silent for the short walk and even still when they entered Rafael’s building. Sonny found himself marveling at the prewar architecture, all original and restored. He should have known, given the ADA’s wardrobe, that he’d live somewhere just as classy and sophisticated.

“You’ll be lucky if that guy doesn’t press charges,” Rafael spoke for the first time since they’d been outside the bar. “Or at least file a complaint with the department.” He directed Sonny to sit on a stool at the island while he went to go fish around in his freezer.

Sonny shrugged. “He swung first. And I was off duty, as you so graciously pointed out.”

Rafael rolled his eyes, not that Carisi could see, moving aside the several frozen meals that his mother insisted on dropping off every other week and finally coming away with a frozen bag of peas that he had no recollection of purchasing.

“Here.” He handed Carisi the bag and Sonny draped it gently over his right hand while Rafael pulled a dishcloth from a drawer and wet it at the sink. “It was still stupid of you, Detective. I don’t need you fighting my battles, literally or figuratively.”

He pressed the damp cloth against Sonny’s split lip and decreased the pressure when Carisi hissed at his efforts.

“I know it was stupid,” Carisi relented, but something still blazed in his eyes. “But I just got so mad. He called you a...a…” There was something endearing in the way he couldn’t seem to repeat the word.

“I know,” Rafael said in a tone that was more gentle than anything Sonny had ever heard from the man, still holding the cloth to Sonny’s bloody lip. “But it’s not the first time someone has called me that and it won’t be the last. Are you going to go around punching everyone that does?”

“Maybe,” Sonny said petulantly and a the hint of a smile tugged at the corner of Barba’s mouth. It made his heart race, the sight of it, knowing he’d put it there. It was only then that he truly noticed how close the other man was. He was standing between Sonny’s thighs so that he could get close enough to tend to his lip, the hand that wasn’t holding the cloth was on Sonny’s shoulder, anchoring him in place. His skin warmed under his touch, even through the fabric of his light blue button down, and he felt his cheeks flush. He only hoped that Barba didn’t notice.

But of course he did, the man observed everything, and after a glance at Sonny’s face, following the streak of pink down the long smooth column of his neck, he cleared his throat and stepped back, tossing the cloth onto the island and dropping both hands to his sides.

“I’m no medical professional, but I think you’ll be ok.”

“Thanks,” Sonny said somewhat roughly, placing the bag of peas next the discarded cloth and standing.

“Thank you for standing up for me. Even if it was stupid and unnecessary.” He couldn’t help but add.

Sonny just rolled his eyes. “Bill my insurance for this. The department has great benefits.” There was that uptick in his pulse again when he saw that once again he’d brought half a grin to Barba’s face.

“Knowing that you’ll have to explain your busted lip to Liv and the squad tomorrow is payment enough.”

Sonny groaned at the thought and headed toward the door, but he turned back to him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Barba’s eyebrows raised. “I’m not the one who decided to get into a bar fight.”

“I know, but...that guy, he was—What he said was…”

“I know,” Barba echoed. “But I learned a long time ago not to let guys like that get to me. I can’t let the ignorance of others keep me from living my life.”

Sonny simply nodded and twisted the doorknob. “Goodnight, Barba.”

“Goodnight, Carisi,” Rafael said softly as the door closed behind him.  


	33. Dating Before Sonny Joins SVU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Response to the tumblr prompt: "Secret relationship that started before sonny transferred to svu."

A key rattled in the door and for a moment Rafael was startled, but then he remembered Sonny. It had only been a few weeks since he’d given him a key and Rafael was still getting used to it. He hadn’t shared an apartment with anyone since college and he’d never given any of his previous partners a key to his home, but none of them had been Sonny. **  
**

Rafael, comfortable in an armchair, his macbook resting on his lap, eyed the detective carefully as he walked into the living room. His black suit could use a good fitting—Rafael had tried, but Sonny had turned down his offers to make an appointment with his tailor, citing some “genius” named Caprizio—the tie was a geometric abomination, and the hair had been a point of contention for quite some time, but none of that was what had Rafael frowning.

“You decided to stick with the mustache, huh?”

“Sure did.” Sonny’s confidence was betrayed by the way he self consciously ran his thumb and forefinger over his top lip as he kissed Rafael’s cheek before flopping down on the couch. “I have such a baby face. I look more like a detective this way.”

“Maybe in the 70’s. Are you meeting Hutch later?”

Sonny’s face scrunched. “Starsky didn’t have a mustache.”

“Whatever.” Rafael waved it off. “How’d it go?”

Even though his first official day at SVU wasn’t until tomorrow, Sonny had gone into the precinct a day early when he’d heard about a shooting outside the station.

“So, so,” Sonny hedged. “Better than Brooklyn, worse than Staten Island.”

Rafael closed his laptop so that he could focus on Sonny. “It was just the first day. It will get better.”

“I hope so. Sergeant Benson didn’t seem to like me very much. I’ll probably be in the Bronx by next week. I even took them zeppoli,” he said like he couldn’t believe that anyone could look unfavorably upon him after such a gesture.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to say something?”

“Yes. If I’m going to succeed here, I want it to be on my own. Not because they like you.”

The fact that he thought that knowing Rafael would give him any good favor was off base, but it felt kind of good that Sonny thought his colleagues held him in such high esteem so he left it alone.

The brass at One PP knew they were together, and so did the DA, but that was where the list ended, at least when it came to their professional lives. As his friend, Liv knew that he was seeing someone, but didn’t know who, and up until now it hadn’t really been relevant. Their paths had never crossed, at least until Sonny decided he wanted to work SVU and had washed out of every other borough so far.

Rafael hadn’t planned on dating a cop—well, he hadn’t planned on dating anyone, but especially not a cop—but to his detriment he’d been lured in by dimples and blue eyes before he’d noticed the badge on the then homicide detective’s hip.

They’d met in Rafael’s favorite coffee shop, the one perfectly placed between the courthouse and the DA’s office where the girl behind the counter would only charge him for a medium even when he ordered a large. He liked to think that it was because she found him handsome and charming, but it was more likely that he reminded her of her dad or something.

He’d just received his fresh cup, brimming at the top with just a splash of cream, when he’d turned from the counter and ran smack dab into a rather long torso, splashing the coffee all over the both of them.

The tall blonde had apologized profusely, and even though it had been just as much Rafael’s fault, he’d insisted on buying him a new cup of coffee. He’d later learn that that was completely Sonny—suffering third degree burns, but still apologetic and ever eager to please.

He’d been brazen enough to write his number on Rafael’s coffee cup, and the next night, after a few tumblers of scotch, Rafael had actually called him. And, after Sonny had teased him about calling instead of texting, they’d made dinner plans.

That had been six months ago and things had been going well ever since, hence the key, but now Sonny had been reassigned to Manhattan SVU. They’d decided to keep their relationship under wraps, at least until Sonny got settled. Rafael knew these things had a way of coming out, but was doing his best to go along with whatever it would take to help Sonny succeed.

“But…” Sonny added after a few moments. “If you’d like to give me some tips on how to get on their good side, I wouldn’t be upset.”

Rafael rolled his eyes, but a chuckle escaped his lips. “Oh, so you want my help, just as long as nobody knows about it.”

“Exactly!”

“Well, let me guess, you went in there, guns blazing, all tough guy and bragging about being in law school?”

“Maybe.” Sonny looked slightly embarrassed.

“Look,” Rafael leaned forward, placing the laptop on the coffee table and taking Sonny’s hand. “This isn’t homicide. SVU requires finesse and sensitivity. I know you have that in you.” He knew that Sonny had had a tough go of it, trying to fit in with the good ol’ boys in homicide, and that had made him a little rough around the edges, but none of that was who he really was. “Show that you care about the victims, that you’re on their side, and Liv will come around.”

Sonny nodded—that was easy enough, especially when that was how he really felt—but then he laughed.

“What?”

“Finesse and sensitivity, huh? Then how do you still have the job?”

Rafael dropped his hand and narrowed his eyes at him. “I was going to give you a sympathy blow job, but not now.”

“Aw, come on,” Sonny said with a grin.

“Nope.”

“You can give me an annoyed blow job.”

Rafael shook his head, even if the grin that tugged on his lips betrayed his action. “Get out.”   

* * *

 

They were better at the art of deception than Rafael had anticipated, so they managed to keep their relationship hidden from the squad for several months. It hadn’t been that difficult really. Their version of flirting—competitions over who knew the most about the law and not so subtle digs at one another—were only seen as antagonistic by their coworkers.

While he was still designated the “new guy,” Sonny had settled in nicely at the 16th precinct and slowly but surely all of the bad habits he’d picked up in homicide had slipped away. He was living up to his full potential as an SVU detective and Rafael was glad he’d had the space to do so without their relationship hovering over things.

But all of that changed once Rafael took on a case prosecuting Amaro’s father. The case brought up all kinds of old feelings, feelings he’d long ago buried and did his best to never let surface. He knew Sonny could tell and that he was worried, which was why it didn’t surprise him at all when Sonny stopped by his office the morning before he was to cross examine the elder Amaro.

“Are you ready?” The way Sonny leaned against his desk was casual, but the tilt of his head and the tone of his voice were full of concern.

Rafael nodded, leaning back in his chair to look up at him. “Yes. I was up half the night, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got it all worked out. I should be able to trip him up.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” Rafael sighed and Sonny reached out and put a hand on his cheek, running his thumb over skin that had become more familiar to him than his own. He stayed quiet, a rarity for Sonny, and finally Rafael sighed again, this time in resignation. “I’m as ready as I can be. It’s just that every time I see him, I—”

He cut himself off, but Sonny knew the end of that sentence whether it was spoken or not.

“I know it’s hard, but you’re so strong. So much stronger than you were when you were a kid. You’ll make it through.”

The corner of Rafael’s mouth ticked up. “Thank you.”

“It’s what I’m here for,” Sonny raised his other hand to rest on Rafael’s other cheek so that his hands framed his face, and leaned in to kiss him softly.

“Barba, I—Whoa. What the hell?”

Sonny and Rafael jumped apart, but the damage was done. Olivia stood looking at them, eyes wide with shock.

Rafael cleared his throat and went for casual. “Oh, hey, Liv. Did you need something?”   

“I’m sure I did, but now my brain is imploding.” She stayed in the middle of the room, her arms crossed and eyes narrowed. “How long?”

“Oh, um,” Sonny finally spoke. “Like a year almost?”

“Wait, so you were already—When you joined the squad you two were—”

“Yes,” Rafael answered, amused at her inability to complete a sentence. “We were. It was all a coincidence, really. And we didn’t want it to affect the way Sonny fit into the squad.”

“So all that arguing and antagonizing, that was—”

“Foreplay.” Rafael smirked.

“Raf! Jesus!” Sonny choked out, but he covered his mouth to hide his smile.

“Oh God,” Olivia sighed, turning toward the door. “I’m going to pretend I never walked in here.”

“That’s probably for the best.”

When she was gone Sonny playfully swatted at Rafael’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you said that. She’s my boss!”

Rafael shrugged. “It’s not often that she gets flustered. I had to take advantage.” His smile faded. “So, the cat’s out of the bag. Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah, I think I am. I like the idea of not having to hide how much I love you.”

“Oh, you love me, do you?” It was teasing, they’d been saying it for months.

“Yeah, for some reason.” Sonny leaned forward and gave him another soft kiss. This time his office door remained closed, so Rafael wrapped his hand around Sonny’s tie, holding him close and deepening the kiss.

When they finally pulled apart Rafael nodded toward the door. “Lock that thing, will you? Just because we’re going public, doesn’t mean they need to see everything.”


	34. BoooOOOnnNNne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: Barisi like the scene from Brooklyn nine nine in which Holt loses it when Rosa tells him that, Kevin and he just need to "bone". Maybe Amanda says that to Barba.

“We also searched his apartment, but there was no sign of the knife. No bloody clothing, nothing in the drains,” Rollins finished, running through the case they had so far, which was absolutely nothing. **  
**

Barba, who was leaned back at the conference table watching with incredulity, rubbed a hand over his forehead. “So, what you’re telling me is, you have no evidence, no witnesses, and a victim unwilling to testify, and yet you want me to bring charges against this guy?”

“Barba, he did this,” Liv spoke up, so sure as always.

“Oh great, all we need is you on the stand, telling the jury that. Prosecution rests.” He rolled his eyes and stood up from his chair. “Glad this was completely a waste of my time.”

As he made for the door Rollins mumbled something he couldn’t quite make out and he spun around. “What was that, Detective?”

“I said you need to get laid,” she stated confidently. “Since Carisi’s been stuck on night shift you’ve been more of a pain in the ass than usual. You two just need to bone.”

“What did you say?” If he hadn’t been so completely shocked at Rollins’ brazenness, Rafael would have been embarrassed at the high pitched tone of his voice.

“Don’t,” Olivia said softly as Rollins crossed her arms and raised her chin.

“I said, you and Carisi need to bone.”

“How dare you, Detective Rollins? I am an Assistant District Attorney for the State of New York.”

“Barba,” Liv spoke up again. “Maybe we should—”

“Bone?” Rafael asked incredulously. “What goes on in my bedroom is none of your business.”

Rollins just ignored him, picking up her files off of the table.

“Bone?!”

“Okay, come on,” Olivia took him by the arm and led her toward her office. They’d just made it there when he spun back around, hands on Olivia’s doorway, eyes on Rollins, who was settling back in at her desk.

“Bone?!”  

“I said, what I said,” Rollins shrugged, turning toward her laptop.

Barba took a deep breath, working to calm himself. “You have crossed a line, Detective.”

Olivia took him by the elbow and tugged him into her office. Rollins just smirked as the door closed behind them.

* * *

 

The next afternoon, when Rafael strolled into the precinct, Olivia hopped up from her perch on Rollins’ desk. “Look, Barba, I really think we should bring this guy in and—”

“Go for it,” Rafael told her lightly.

“Seriously? You think you can get a conviction?”

“Yep.”

“I told you the evidence we had was enough, even though it’s not much.”

“Oh, no,” he shook his head. “Your evidence is abysmal.”

Olivia eyed him carefully. “So then why the change of heart?”

Rollins, who’d been silent until now, leaned back in her chair, looking up at him with a knowing grin. “It’s because he and Carisi finally b—”

“Don’t,” Rafael stopped her. “But yes.”  


	35. Make Up Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the tumblr prompt: Sonny and Raf have their first fight that turns into make-up sex and cuddles after.
> 
> Special thanks to Power-Bottom-Barba for writing the sexy bits.
> 
> It probably goes without saying but this one is explicit.

The smell of garlic bread hit Rafael before he’d even reached his apartment door, and he was a bit ashamed at how his mouth watered once he’d stepped inside and got the full effect. **  
**

It wasn’t every night, or even often, that Sonny cooked for him, his schedule wouldn’t allow for it, but Rafael had eaten more cooked meals in the last few months than he had in the years since he’d moved out of his mother’s house.

He thought he’d get used to it, coming home to find Sonny in that ridiculous ‘I don’t need a recipe, I’m Italian’ apron of his, moving around a kitchen that had once only known coffee and occasionally the reheated slice of pizza, but he hadn’t yet. He still felt lucky every time, as he did know, watching from the kitchen doorway as Sonny grated fresh parmesan over two bowls of pasta.

He hadn’t moved in yet, at least not officially. They’d only been together a few months, after all, but Sonny had a key and used it often. It was crazy how fast things were moving, how easily they fit into each others’ lives, but it’s not like they’d been strangers. No, they’d been dancing around each other for years, when they’d finally realized that all that antagonism came from another place entirely. So now they were making up for lost time.

“Oh hey,” Sonny said, a grin lighting up his face, when he spotted Rafael. “You’re just in time.” He gave Rafael a quick peck on the lips as he carried their bowls to the table, where a basket of garlic bread already sat invitingly in the middle.

“This looks great,” Rafael complemented, settling into a chair.

Instead of joining Rafael at the table, Sonny moved back to the counter, grabbing two glasses and a bottle of red wine that he’d opened earlier to give it time to breathe.

“Actually,” he interrupted Sonny as he began to pour a second glass. “I think I’d rather have a scotch. It’s been quite the day. After you guys left my office, Buchanan came by, and then—” He stopped, noticing the way Sonny frowned. “What?”

“It’s just that—Well, this wine goes perfectly with this sauce. I bought it especially to have with dinner tonight.”

“You can still have some,” Rafael pointed out unnecessarily. “I’m going to have scotch.”

“I’d really rather you didn’t,” Sonny said carefully. “I just think the food will taste better if you pair it with the Sangiovese.”

Now he was starting to get irritated. He wasn’t a child, he could choose what he wanted to drink and when. “How bad of a cook are you that what I drink is going to drastically ruin the quality of the food?”

It was Sonny’s turn to be exasperated. “Do you even know how taste buds work?”

“No. Why the hell would I know how taste buds work? Not once in my twenty years of practicing law has that need arisen.”  

“Well, I do know how taste buds work and excuse me if I want you to drink a wine the complements the bolognese that I made for you after coming home from a long day at work.”

“A long day at work? How long could it have been if you had time to cook a full meal before I even got home? And maybe you wouldn’t have to work so hard if you and your squad could get an investigation right on the first try. What?” He snapped when he saw the corner of Sonny’s eyes crinkle and his lips twitch, a sure sign that he was fighting back a laugh.

“It’s just that, of course our first fight would be over something stupid like wine versus scotch.”

“Ok, first of all,” Rafael held up a finger. “That’s not even a question. Scotch. Always. And second of all, we fight all the time, this is not our first fight.”

Sonny waved a hand. “Work disagreements don’t count. This was our first real couple squabble.”

“Something to celebrate to be sure,” Rafael murmured sarcastically.

“Exactly.”

“Let me guess, with a bowl of bolognese and a nice glass of Sangiovese?”

“Actually,” Sonny cupped his face to run a thumb over his lips before reaching down to take him by the hand and pull him to standing. “I was thinking of something else.”

Rafael barely had time to roll his eyes before Sonny had him crowded up against the table, bumping his nose against Rafael’s ear and pressing a warm kiss to his neck.

“I thought we were fighting,” he complained, without much bite.

“We were fighting,” Sonny countered, and Rafael felt his lips curl in a smile against his skin.  “Now we’re making up.”

Rafael’s contrarian instinct to continue bickering was only temporarily outdone by Sonny’s wandering hands.  Only when Sonny rocked his hips forward against him did Rafael bite back a laugh.

“Does fighting with me get you hard?”

“Everything about you gets me hard.” Sonny bit playfully at the shell of Rafael’s ear as the other man chuckled.  “What, this surprises you?  After all this time it’s pretty much foreplay.”

“I’ll be watching you more closely at work from now on,” Rafael teased, as he pulled Sonny’s shirt free of his waistband and brushed his fingertips across his warm skin.

Sonny leaned back just enough to look him in the eye.  “Frankly, I’m disappointed you weren’t before.” He had the audacity to wag his eyebrows at him.  Rafael would have scoffed if Sonny hadn’t leaned in to capture his lips and distracted him from whatever he had planned to say.

Sonny’s mouth was very distracting. Intoxicating, really.  Rafael could never get enough of it, which is why the noise he made when Sonny broke the kiss was involuntary.  He would never make that sort of sound - a soft whine of disappointment and annoyance - on purpose.

Sonny only grinned and yanked loose the tongue of Rafael’s belt as he sank to his knees before him.  Any disappointment he had felt was instantly gone as Sonny pulled his slacks and briefs just low enough to expose him, wrapping his hand around him and stroking him to full hardness.

“Wait a minute,” Rafael said, more breathless than he would have liked.  “The taste of scotch was going to ruin dinner, but this is okay?”

Sonny rolled his eyes.  “Spoken like somebody who doesn’t want to get their dick sucked.”

He laughed and threaded his fingers through Sonny’s hair, guiding his head back down with gentle pressure.  “Withdrawn.”

Sonny went willingly, enthusiastically, swallowing Rafael down until his lips met his hand, and then stroked him in time with the motion of his head.  As far as he was concerned, the taste of Rafael was a compliment to everything.  

He moaned when Rafael’s grip tightened ever so slightly in his hair.  He sucked wetly at the head of his prick, rolling his tongue around it, and relished in the gasp it elicited from Rafael.

“Fuck, Sonny, you’re so good.  That’s so good, baby…”

There was nothing Sonny liked to hear better than that.

One hand wrapped firm around Rafael, he used the other to open his own pants enough to push a hand inside and draw himself out, jerking himself at the same pace that his head bobbed up and down on Rafael’s dick.

When Rafael came, bitter and sweet and perfect onto Sonny’s tongue, he said his name.  Sonny surged forward, licking and swallowing everything Rafael had to give him, even as his hips snapped forward and he spilled through his fingers.  Even then, he didn’t pull back until Rafael whined from oversensitivity.  

For long minutes, only the sound of their slowing breathing filled the kitchen as Sonny rest his head against Rafael’s hip as his fingers carded affectionately through his hair.

It was Rafael who finally broke the silence.

“If I had known this would be the result, I’d have picked a fight with you sooner.”

Sonny laughed and pulled himself up from the floor, wiping his hand on his briefs before doing up his pants, leaning in to kiss Rafael lazily.

“Dinner shouldn’t be too cold,” he said after finally pulling away.

“Good, I’m starving.”

Sonny turned back to the kitchen as Rafael did up his pants, retrieving the abandoned bottle of wine and the accompanying glasses.  He stepped back out to the corner they sarcastically referred to as the dining room just in time to see Rafael pouring three fingers of amber scotch into the bottom of a glass.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Raf!”


End file.
